the makings of a weird dreamer -- or maybe i'm just born that way..

today is the last day of august, and if you're looking at the date on the upper right corner, i just have to inform you that the fucking date is -- WRONG.. I have no idea why.. I've been clicking here and there to make the time and the date correct, but the little devil is very determined to stay that way..

i have a dream.. maybe it's kind of odd -- still.. you know, when i die, i want to meet a mermaid. yeah, stupid, eh? i want to meet a mermaid with long golden-blue hair, i want to hear her sing a joyless and poignant song, i want to know what they do down there.. i want to feel their hands -- if it's cold or warm.. i want to touch their tails.. i want to meet a mermaid..

feel like laughing? please do. i am very much aware how stupid my 'mermaid-dream' is.. but, i actually think that it's pretty cool to live in the sea or in the ocean.. i think it's very interesting to be able to breathe own there -- you see, i'm hydrophobic. ok, not really, really, really afraid of water but the very-deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-kind of water.. if you're thinking that because of my bizarre dream i don't take a bath -- i actually do take a bath. i'm not that afraid of water..

ok.. let's just forget i said anything. you can just pretend you never read any of these -- save me.. hahaha..

i'm emotionally unstable at the moment because i have my period.. so, i'm saying 'sorry' now to those who are pretty much pissed off with me. i have this really heavy flow and it's making me really feel uneasy and moody.. sorryyyy.. :D

make me weirder when i'm there.. ok? cheers..

SONG: who doesn't like 'Jenny' by the click five? I actually think click five is much, way much better now when kyle patrick is the vocalist rather than that eric dill. just compare those faces!! who would pick eric dill over kyle?? ok.. whatever.. hahahahaha

10 stupid months of fucklore..

10 stupid months of sleepless and dying fucklore.. *I don't really think there's a word such as 'fucklore' -- i made that all up.. pardon the bad mouth -- it's already 10 months since i told myself that I'm going to change -- big surprise, 10 months, I'm still here.. same old me.. same old worthless me..

i was surprised that there are no classes tomorrow -- i really expected mrs. sacdalan to announce that there's going to be classes tomorrow to make-up for the lost days.. i was totally stunned when she didn't mention anything about that.

i've been updating frequently this month -- i'm even awed. i don't really want to abandon this blog -- especially if someone else made an account for me.. cheers, lourdes :D

for the term paper -- odessa and i are going to write something about anansi boys.. cheers.. she's borrowing my book right now and i can't really blame her for not participating in any of our conversations because she's 'hooked' to the book. who can't blame her? it's neil gaiman's book we're talking about! neil gaiman -- one of the hottest writers in the world.. too bad he's married.. why do i always get obsessed with married or stagged guys or straights?

i have nothing more to say -- unless you tell me something really stunning -- i'll definitely post it. hahaha.. my one great ambition is to see my name on the newspaper -- decent newspaper, mind. About something good.. hahahah.. why did this fucking topic suddenly spurt out of nowhere? weird..

SONG: really.. naLSS ako dahil kinakanta ni raia ang 'Anthem of Our Dying Day'.. ayon.. ang tagal na nya pero hanggang ngayon memorize ko padin sya?? demo? gusto ko pag-kaharap na kita. :D

they can't break me -- as long as i know who i am

well, obviously, i'm in one of the 'moods' to update this hell-begotten blog. my last post was about wishing that there are no classes.. the classes, as we all know, have been suspended last wednesday until friday and now it's a monday -- and it's a holiday so there are still no classes.. to be brutally frank, i missed school because i was bored.. bored.. bored.. fucking boooooreeeed.. the good things during no-classes days are as follows: you can stay up late and wake up late, you can wake up in the middle of the night and do whatever decent thing you want, you can sleep again and sleep again and sleep again.. fun.. I LOVE SLEEPING!!!

anyway, i have this strong feeling that there will be classes tomorrow..

the other day -- i couldn't go to raia's party -- i was so effing mad at the storm/typhoon/tsunami.. whatever.. i even planned what to wear! fucking egoy/egay..

yesterday, we went to robinson's pioneer and i saw STARDUST!!! hahahaha!! i bought it without much further hesitation because it's just so hard to finddddd!!! i also bought one for raia.. :D i suddenly became a neil gaiman fan.. i read Coraline, i borrowed the book from raia -- that time i thought that the story was mentally-disturbing.. then, i borrowed another book from raia -- smoke and mirrors -- this time, i was sure that he's brain was not common, his imagination -- in a good way.. i mean, he could write twisted stories that you won't forget for a week! that's how powerful his impact on me was.. don't get me wrong -- he's a bloody good writer. i've read anansi boy's, good omens, stardust, yeah -- Coraline, and the short stories from smoke and mirrors and i'm currently finishing neverwhere.. Writer's like Neil Gaiman doesn't/don't come often -- so if one discovers such a writer -- he or she must try to collect all the author's book! -- that's what Raia and I are trying right now.. but, his books are very hard to find, mind you..

SONG: hahahaha.. "I'm Still Here" you know.. from the Treasure Planet Movie.. This is a bloody sad song.. 'Cause I want a moment to be real.. wanna touch things I don't feel, wanna hold on and feel I belong.. :D

our story, our life.. who am i..? huh?

it was a bitter and rainy day -- i woke up feeling gloomy because of the sad and weak weather.. i went inside the study room to take a look at my pe project.. the gymnastic-twist-your-limbs-thing.. i sat down with a very long sigh.. i began to draw stick figures in different and weird postions -- after debating with my self that i can't possbily contort myself with those positions -- i erased it, cursing and furrowing my eyebrows.. when i noticed that's it's almost 5:30, i decided to wash my self, and get ready for school.. boring..

so we went to school, me carrying a bunch of school books used for props, cursing again because i don't like the ominous and extremely dismal weather that's giving me the creeps.. i went inside the car and sat down.. ok, so it's obvious that i'm supposed to be sitting down because i can't possibly go inside the car standing up.. whatever.. anyway, we reached STC and my father sort-of panicked because i was not in a hurry to go down and it was starting to rain.. i went to the stairs, my eyebrows close together it felt like it was stitched that way -- i went inside the classroom and the feeling of melancholy evaporated at the sight of the classroom -- don't ask me, i don't have any fucking idea why.. maybe it's because i'm inside the school already..

i was inside the classroom and i took a piece of bondpaper to finish my wretched and late requirement for TLE.. I hastily pointed out the importance of talking about human sexuality and being aware of it -- it could help avoid premarital sex and unwanted pregnancies. Then -- Jodie came, we talked about someone then I think asked if Raia's in their classroom already -- Mackee said she was there.. I dropped my pen and went to iii-6 classroom.. I stayed there until the bell started to ring..

the thing that made my day euphoric is the announcement that classes have been suspended.. don't pretend to be sad.. I know everybody's exultant because the classes, er, have been suspended..

anyway -- we don't have classes tomorrow.. cheers.. okkkkk.. so, for the people out there who's actually depressed because there are no classes -- i'm extremely sad for you.. too bad, mother earth is starting to teach us our lessons.. We can't call it 'fate' or 'destiny', though.. Because in MY opinion -- we weave our own story, we fabricate our own life, we make the person we are.. Call me mental or anything.. it's just how it is..

SONG: I'm actually feeling sad again because i listened to 'What Sarah Said' -- everytime i hear that song -- the euphoria i'm feeling vanishes.. no idea..

my stroke of inspiration came!!!!

i know that this blog sucks. i haven't been updating.. firstly, if i want to update -- i want my imagination swarming all around me so i can type/write without any hindrance.. secondly, i want long and lengthy posts.. but since all i've managed to post last july were arse-worthy posts, i stopped for a while.. i need a stroke of inspiration to have me typing again.. and, it came!!! it came.. :D

i finally finished the last Harry Potter book!!! hahahaha!!! it's a bloody great achievement for me because the only thing i've managed to read from lara's book was the epilogue part.. and now --- now.. after months and months and months of waiting -- i know the whole story. I KNOW!!!!! wahahahahaha!!! weeeell.. that cuts it -- i did finish the book but i was actually sort of disappointed because it would be the last book about Harry.. i liked the story kasi ehhhh.. it made me think that some things may not be impossible at all.. i used to believe that magic exists -- this was before the HP era..

when i was about four to nine years old -- i believed in magic. i think it started with the movie 'Matilda' from Roald Dahl's book.. i would often scruch up my face and imagine that i'm beheading my enemy [during those times -- my brother.. i don't really think that Matilda beheaded her parents, though.. i think she was more of the flying-objects-thingy-magic..] anyway, i was just waiting for the 'magic' within me to come. i would pray to God every night without fail, reminding him about my magic powers, begging him to finally give some -- even bits to me. i still remember the dozens of coins i dropped in many different wishing wells -- all bearing the same wish: that i receive my powers. i don't really know what i would do if i had the magic powers -- during those years, i would imagine myself talking to mermaids and being able to swim without holding my breath, and playing with fairies and buying all the toys in toy stores -- well, mostly dolls.. i don't really know what made me snap back to reality.. i can't really remember why i stopped wishing for the magic within me to appear -- maybe i got too old.

when i remember it now -- i can't help but smile. i mean, i was stupid enough to believe that magic exists.. heck, i even prayed for it. so.. it was a nice feeling about harry potter -- it's like my prayers were in that book.. even if it didn't talk about my bit of fantasy about playing with fairies..

anyway.. the series was finished.. sighhh..

this post is a damn longer one than last month..

SONG: I Will by The Beatles. I adore this. It was the first song my brother memorized and acted.. cheers..