At least God doesn't judge me for the thoughts that aren't mine

Okayyyy so I'm typing this post using a different laptop HUHUHUHUHUHU MY OLD LAPTOP DIED LAST SUNDAY!!!!!!!! I was so cranky and PISSED. Hello, I need my laptop for work! I was really moody so... my dad came throuuuuugh huhuhuhuhu he gave me money and told me I could pay him whenever. I'm planning to pay him SANA WITHIN 1 YEAR. Kasi feel nila scammer ako ('cause I don't give back their change, I always ask for stuff, and I rarely pay them back HAHAHAHA pero hello anak naman nila ako 'no, sino pa ba pag gagastusan nila? ANYWAY, GOING BACK, I want to prove that I WOULD pay them back eh, like.. I'm maturing haha) Gosh ang hirap naman ng hindi senior consultant. ANYWAY, SOOOOOO thanks to my dad I was able to buy a new laptop today! I did NOT get a MacBook Pro HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA the laptop that died on me was a MacBook Pro, but I was looking at the specs and the price and.. bitch what would I do with all those high tech stuff? I only ever use my laptop for Word, PPT, Prime, Netflix, Disney+, and Spotify. Actually, I could get the Neo but reviews said that they're best for students? Eh feel ko working girl na ko... HAHAHAHHAAH So I got the M5 MacBook Air 16GB/1TB - PAID IN FULL. THANKS TO MY DAD HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA I'm very thankful but I'm still.. IDK. I STILL WANT MY OLD LAPTOP TBH. I was so smug and I thought I could make it last for 10 years. It died at the tender age of 6 years and 6 months. I MISS THE TOUCHBAR TBH. But, anyway, what can I do. 

ANYWAY, so, I ordered from Casetify (I actually considered Moft but I want a case not just a pouch or something and my cousins use Casetify so G naman) a laptop case and.. wala, ang impulsive ko, I got na din for my phone HAHAHAHAHA

I am so excited! But expected delivery would be between May 5 to May 12 so.. hay. I have to be careful. Ang burara ko pa naman. So, I feel like magkaka-scratch na 'tong laptop before dumating yang case. 

Also, samesies initials with Namjoon - RM YAHUUUUUUUUUU. Sobrang sobrang sobrang hot 🥵 ni Namjoon this Arirang era ha. Tbf, bias line ko naman sya. Sya lang or si Jungkook yung nakikipag-agawan kay Yoongi for my heart. AHHHH???? HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

ANYWAY, omg I have a lot of late uploads/posts! Super dami nangyari last weeeeeeek. I should update this blog before May!

OMG AND RANDOM UPDATE, I don't think I could finish 10 books this month. I FUCKING SUCK!!!!! I'M JUST ON MY 9TH! Parang nagka-reading slump ako na hindi. OMG I think kasi nahook ako sa House Flipper!!!!!!!!! Plus, busy week last week!!!! Met up with a lot of friends! Basta, update nalang ako haha

I'll follow you into the sun

It's Mamel's Thanksgiving and Celebratory dinner yesterday! Met up with Krizzy and Marian at Nikka's condo then from there, Nikka drove to the Batongbacal's building where the celebration was held.

Super dami life updates and chichi and frustrations (mostly from me) regarding plans about the future!  Anyway, it was such a good day. So, so, so, so proud of Mamel and Marian!

I was only able to take a photo of the grazing table but the cheeses and meats were delissssh! It doesn't taste like, you know, generic grocery-store bought meat. I wasn't able to take a photo of the shrimp (which I devoured) and crabs and lechon. BITCH THE LECHON WAS SO GOOD! Even without the sauce, the meat was so moist and flavorful!

"Will We Meet Again?"

Okay, Jujutsu Kaisen has me in a chokehold. I love it So. Freaking. Much! And I know exactly when it started. Season 1 was okay, it was cute! But after watching the Hidden Inventory/Premature Death arc - bitch, I am hooked. It gave me so much feelings. I think what I love about it was the innocence and the hopefulness of youth. I also loved how MDD was portrayed in that arc. It was so real and so raw. 

Those extra scenes at the Hidden Inventory/Premature Death arc movie credits (YES I WATCHED IT IN A CINEMA HAHAHAHAHA) really killed me! REALLY. FREAKING. KILLED. ME. 

I think it reminded me a lot of how young they actually were while carrying a heavy burden on their shoulders. They were in high school, for crying out loud. The poses they made, how their friendships were, biiiitch, I am so emotional right now (tbf it's also the first day of my period) I think it's because I'm about the same age as them and those scenes reminded me of my high school life as well (minus being a sorcerer) When you're young, you really feel like everything is possible when you grow up. Like.. idk, the future is something to actually look forward to. Well, that's what I felt when I was in HS (for the most part)

Geto. God, Geto. HS Geto deserves 100% of my love and respect. He was so idealistic, morally-driven, caring, and fair. But how would you react if all those morals and beliefs that you hold dear kill and harm the people you care about? His MDD was so raw. The darkening of his eye bags, losing weight, less cheerful - AND PEOPLE DID NOT REALLY NOTICE (except for that one scene wherein Shoko or Gojo, I forgot who, asked Geto if he's losing weight or if he's okay omg I forgot the exact dialogue.) That's what kills me, tbh. He was a functional depressive, hence, he was "okay." Idk it kind of reminds me how we are, like, sometimes we don't notice how our friends are dying inside because they seem fine on the outside. Sometimes it's too late before we notice anything.

Gojo and Geto are best friends and I truly believe they're soulmates (platonically, PUHLEASE) and I saw a post that said how Gojo must've blamed himself for not noticing how Geto's feeling recently (remember, Geto and Gojo started to go on individual tasks after their task with Riko ended. So.. Geto was swallowing curses and doing missions on his own with nobody to really confide in) and then.. it's too late. Geto massacred a whole village and his parents. Honestly, how can you move on from that?

Geto became evil but can you really blame that transition? And that's one of the aspects that made me love JJK. There's this viral tweet that says, "The reason why it's important to humanize villains is not so you can condone their actions, it's you realize that, given the right circumstances, you could become a villain too. And that is what some people cannot handle." BITCH, GETO IS THE EPITOME OF THAT. Legit Ibarra to Simoun transformation. 

Idk, JJK Hidden Inventory/Premature Death arc always gives me the feels because it's so emotionally relatable. 

Hay. Ruminating on life lang because season 3 ended and Idk WHEN SEASON 4 WOULD DROP. 

Ryoiki Tenkai

Sooooooo Jujutsu Kaisen season 3 concluded last Friday and all I have to say is.. YUTA'S EPISODE IS STRAIGHT. FREAKING. GAS!!!!!!!! Personally, the whole episode was AMAZIIIIIING but I can be a bit biased since he's my 3rd favorite character. I really loved him in JJK: 0!!! But his battle with Ryu ++++++++++ Aizo playing in the background....... GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I watched it 4x already because I loved it so much!!!! I was screaming so hard during the first time I watched it because I love Yuta so muuuuuch SO MUCH!!!!!! So, after finishing it.. I rewatched it immediately!

I just have to highlight how, during the last scene, Yuta was saying that Uro would never accept anything he says because he comes from a place of privilege. We love a self-aware king huhuhuhu

PLUUUUUUS, ICING ON THE CAKE!!!! Joon and JK are massive JJK fans!!!!!!! But JK is more into it (see photo below HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA cctto!) He even said during his Golden listening party (if i'm not mistaken) that JJK is his favorite anime!!!!

Omg I can't freaking wait for season 4! It's The Culling Games part 2! Fiiiine i think i could wait for 2 years (HUHUHUHUHUHUHU) if the cinematography is going to be like season 3s! It's so good. SO. FREAKING. GOOD!

I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you

Okay, I'm officially 34 years old! I started this blog when I was 13???????? Omg 13 or 14 I can't remember anymore. I think maybe 14?? WAIT NO. 13!!! So, this online diary saw how juvenile I was back in high school, so lost in college, so desperate in med school, then lost again after passing the PLEs lol. What a way to grow up! Haha!

ANYWAYYYYY, so, after reading novels back to back to back, I finished 9 already and I'm currently on my 10th! I'm juggling Just Kids by Patti Smith (STILL) and The Midnight Timetable by Bora Chung. The latter's really my cup of tea BUT IT'S SCARY OKAY. They're talking about ghosts and stuff and I got spooked. I could only read it in the morning... then I turn to Patti Smith at night. God, I hope I finish 10 novels this month.

The world is a scary place right now and I am so fucking scared. Please, Jesus Christ, let these narcissistic fuckhole politicians GET SOME SENSE. I honestly cannot read the complete articles about news and current events because I can literally feel my heart drop and I get so anxious. Tangina talaga. Sobrang kawawa yung mga drivers who take home like PHP 50 AFTER GETTING GAS (basta oil sa car) are you fucking kidding me. How would you live with PHP 50?? Ang mamahal na ng lahat. Grabe, honestly, I have to pause purchasing the stuff in my cart because I got scared. Tangina talaga. 

And I, I can't get off of this ride

Look! I really like this shot! I think I'm getting better at taking photos... HAHAHAHHAAHHA

Omg so I bought the premium thing from Dazz cam because I got obsessed! No regrets!

Merry Go Round

ARIRANG DROPPED TODAY! THE WHOLE ALBUM IS BOOOOOOMB!!!!!! But so far my favorite is Merry Go Round!

YOONGI IS SO HANDSOME I AM DYING!!!!! DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

Omg okay. So, I was simultaneously reading Just Kids, Lucky Girl, and And Then There Was You by Sophie Cousens but, Jesus F. Christ, I'm dropping the latter because *spoiler alert* she dates a fucking hyperrealistic AI robot thing. There was even a conversation about sex. SEX WITH A FREAKING HUMANOID? Are you kidding me? I think I'm pretty open-minded but I draw the line at fucking human-robot relationships. I mean, I get that the humanoid was her dream guy but omg scratch that I DON'T GET DATING A HUMANOID PERIOD. I can't. I just can't. So, now I'm surfing what to read next. I'm a mood reader and I can't commit to Just Kids and Lucky Girl right now. 

ANYWAY, I'm thinking of getting PDM's Delina Exclusif. I got the decant and it smelled so good on me THE WHOLE DAY (better than Byredo's Gypsy Water.) I took a bath and the scent was still there. I honestly liked Valaya more but it kinda smelled like the perfume someone I used to be close with used to wear. But I'm not getting the short end of the stick here because Delina smelled divine on me! Soooooo, I'm thinking of getting the big bottle as one of my birthday presents for myself this year but idk idk. I REALIZED IT'S HARD TO SPEND MONEY WHEN IT'S YOUR OWN HARD-EARNED MONEY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA tas medj hirap kasi sobrang dami ko pala talaga gastos. Thanks always to my hardworking parents for funding that lifestyle.. sana until now huhuhuhu. I'm thinking of getting more shifts because I only work 4 days a week BUT IN MY DEFEEEENSE MY MOM SAID, "Okay lang yan anak, rest day mo na yung iba" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA so Idk. 

My life is in a limbo right now and I need someone to decide for me what my next step should be. Hay. 

There's things I wanna talk about but better not to give

10 more days until I turn.. 34 🙈 I'm not looking forward to getting a year older but I generally like my birthdays! However, I think my birthday celebration with my family would be on the 26th since my parents are going to a wedding on my actual birthday. Ughhhhh. Idk what I want to do, though. I've said before that I prefer spending my birthdays alone and celebrating with family and friends the next few days. But now I'm living at home so.... there's no alone time (although technically it's always alone time because I spend 99% of my time in my bed room haha)

I've been ruminating recently and I feel like I've gotten colder haha. But tbffff I honestly don't care if people don't like me. I have never been a people-pleaser that's why some of my relatives (especially on my mom's side) labeled me as "difficult" haha. My mindset growing up was I should like myself and who I'm becoming +++ my parents' impression of me. Those are the only two perspectives that mattered to me - my own opinion of myself and my parents' opinion of me. That's it. SO ANYWAYYYYYY, yes I don't really care if people don't like me but I was GENERALLY A CHEERFUL person before. Prior the trauma in you-know-where, I was easygoing and sunny and bubbly. After the chaos, I could still joke around but I've gotten more.. Idk. Like.. more weary and more serious? I was more jokey with people and random strangers before (BUT TBFFFFF I'M STILL LIKE THAT WITH MY FRIENDS) but now I'm polite and I give direct to the point answers even if strangers are joking with me or making small talk. Grabe, sobrang friendly ko talaga before even the driver of the President of UERM, kachikahan ko. Yung ibang restaurant owners around UERM, ka-first name basis ko. AS IN. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Nung college, ako yung pinapaka-usap nila palagi sa mga terror profs kasi nabobola-bola ko (para maextend deadline ng thesis... etc etc HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA)

I think that's the part of me I miss the most. Parang.. remember the Dreamer and Realist analogy of Cam from Modern Family? For the past 9 years, I feel like I kind of stopped being the Dreamer. OMG even my MBTI nga eh! Since I was in HS, ENFP ako. Tas I checked like 2 years ago? ENTP na ko haha. Well, tbf, with my close friends sobrang kulit ko padin (like kila Dessa, Kyle, kung pano ako before ganon padin lokohan namin HAHAHAHAHAHA) 

Maybe it's a part of growing up 'no? You shed your skin and you wear a more tight-lipped and severe mask? 

We fell in love but it didn't last

Okay omg so I got back to watching Cdramas this year. So far, I was able to finish Shine on Me (LOOOOOOOOOVE), Our Generation (so-so), and most recently - LOVE BETWEEN LINES GAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I'm not attracted to the male lead but the story was so cute and light - I LOOOOOVED IT. Actually.. the cdramas I loved the most, I'm not attracted to the lead actor (Hidden Love, Lighter and Princess, and now Love Between Lines) I LIKED THE FEMALE LEAD (same with Hidden Love and Lighter and Princess) THOUGH! She's such a cutie patootie and her character wasn't overbearing and trying too hard to be cute. It's the perfect balance of cutie patootie and charming!

GUSTO KO LANG NAMAN TINGNAN AKO NG GANYAN NI MIN YOONGI LORD DI BA PWEDE MANGYARI YUN IN THIS LIFETIME HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

This scene was soooooo cute and heartwarming. My cold, tin heart felt things HAHAHAHAHAHA

Anyway, so, currently I'm watching Perfect and Casual. Miles Wei IS SO CRAZY HANDSOME! Besides Dylan Wang (my OG Chinese bae), his face was the face I enjoyed the most in Only for Love (this cdrama sucked so bad, I am still gritting my teeth thinking about it) Legit saving grace lang face nila Dylan Wang and Miles Wei. ANYWAYYYYYY, Perfect and Casual is HILARIOUS! I'm just on episode 15 pero ang funny talaga! Nakuha yung kiliti kooooo! Tas cute pa si Miles Wei and the female lead! 

Anyway, I haven't been neglecting my reading goals, though. Omg maybe I did (A BIT????) I'm only on my 4th book for the month. But omg I will finish 10 novels this month. I will! 

This is what I'm currently reading! So far so good! I hope I could finish it tomorrow.. or by Monday. Depends if I get hooked on Perfect and Casual!

Was able to read 23 novels for the year (so far!!!) Please heavenly father, please, let me reach my goal of 100 novels this year!

ANYWAYYYYYYYY, Just random updates!