They Call Me "Hell."

I'm in Sienna's house right now with Odessa. We're waiting for our Trigo teacher. God. I'm so doing everything I can to pass this f'd-up Trigo subject. Ugh. Ugh. UGH!

Saturday classes. BOOOORING. Drained the happiness out of me. *rolls eyes* HAHAHAHA. Feeling ko super mamimiss ko lahat ng tao sa STC. :)

Grad pics are out! At least she gave me her grad pic. That's enough to make me smile. :) I haven't talked to her for a very loooong time. And, honestly, I MISS HER. I SUPER DO. I can never get her out of my system.. Although, we're super malabo right now. AYYY EWAN. Basta. I hope we could sort this out.. I hope I could.

CIAO. Imma update again LATER. :)

Love y'all. :D

SONG: The Ting Tings' That's Not My Name. Hind ba obvious sa mga GM ko? :))

I Don't Know What I Want.

I went to Lia's house today. Wow, super house-hopping na ako aah. ANYWAY, it's so OVERWHELMING. ANDAMI NILANG MAGKAKAPATIIIID! Supeeer. Tas si Lia yung pinaka-mataray at super bossy. =)) SWEAR. ASK ERYEL! "Hoy, Louise. Kunin mo nga yung Biogesic sa kwarto nila Mommy.", "Miles, kunin mo nga yung charger ko!", "Ate, magbaba ka nga ng electric fan." Honestly, she would've defeated me from being the Bossiest Ever. :))

I'm done with the Chapter 1 of the Feasib Study & some parts of Chapter 4.. My only dilemma now is the Game Show TOMORROW plus the fucking Physics LT. My brain couldn't take it anymore. AHHHH!! I think this would be another sleepless night.

Ok. Must. Stop. Blogging. Must. Concentrate. AHHH!

SONG: Say Anything's "Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too." There was a time when I was in third year that I got soooo addicted to this song. I thought I'm over it -- I guess I'm not. :))

Where Would I Be Without You?

I changed my layout a bazillion times already & the stupid font buttons are still MISSING. It's pissing me off all over again! UGH.

Today is very unproductive. Like, really. Hmm, on the other hand, I think it's also ok since I get to sleep for a loooong time. *sighs* I'm so deprived of sleep this past few months -- sleeping cleared my head & made me jubilant! YIPEEEE!


I was talking to my dad & my brother & I don't know how our topic changed from Dante's Inferno to my mom to being sweet & malambing..

K - Kapatid
A - Ama
R - Rina

R: Wow. Ngayon ko lang na-realize na hindi ako malambing. HAHAHA.
A: Oo, ehh, brusko ka eh.
K: *snorts with laughter*
R: Si Yo feeling ko malambing dati.
A: Oo naman. Lalo na sa mommy nya. Every morning, dahan dahan na ikikiss ni Yo si Mommy. (Demonstrates a hilarious way of pouting his lips & "kissing" someone.)
R: Tas ngayon, HINDI NAAAA.
A: OO NGA! Every morning, "Ma? Pwede? Pwede.. Magcomputer?" Dapat hindi ganon! You shouldn't change! Dapat malambing ka pa din. Guys should make girls feel important. I don't think it's a sign of weakness when you show a girl you love her. Or when you show your emotions. It's being real. (Turns to Yo.) Do you understand that? Kaya sabe ko dapat kini-kiss mo padin si Mommy ehh.

My dad is the sweeeetest. Kahit nasermonan nya ng hindi oras si Yo -- natuwa naman ako. :))

SONG: She Believed by A Change Of Pace.

Do You Really Want To Live Forever?

I went to Misha's house & I had a latta fun. K. Firstly, I didn't go there for FUN. I went there to practice those parts in the Game Show this coming Tuesday. Gawd. I'm scaaared. Really. I'm living in a world of ad-libs.. But this time, I have to memorize a couple of stupid lines.

Videoke. Wii. Computer. It simply made my day. :>

I have this feeling that I'm wading in a mud-full of uncertainties. Swear. I'm NERVOUS. Aww. C'mon, I've experienced this a dozen of times already. Still, the feeling's so baaaad when you dwell on the thoughts that someone's going to go away. That you're about to lose somebody all over again. I hate that feeling. I hate it. :| Too bad it's out of my hands now. I wouldn't know what to do anymore. Shiiit. And to think that we're doing FINE. God.

SONG: Still Alphaville's Forever Young.

One Day You'll See Just How Good I Was.

Today is a FUN day. We went to Yellowcab with Dhia & Carmela. Too bad Nicole wasn't present. :| She got sick. :| I hope she gets well soon. Anyway, so we agreed that we wouldn't let Dhia & Carmela pay. They better stick to it! :))

After that, we went back to STC. We played Volleyball until we stopped & chatted with Carmela who was there. :)) Tae, ang benta nya kausap! Seryoso! Tawang tawa talaga ako! =))

Tomorrow, I'm going to Misha's house.

Hell week's coming. I'm getting scared. Especially of my Trigo quizzes. Honestly, I haven't passed any quizzes -- YET. I thought Physics would kill me & ruin my big banner of success.. I guess I was wrong -- it's still MATH that's going to take me down from my glory of finally, FINALLY understanding Physics! UGH. I so LOATHE MATH. It's eating my brain cells away! But, you know what, I think the people whose talents are related to those stupid Math stuff are really, really LUCKY. I mean, c'mon, what would you get if you know how to write? EVERYBODY could write. So, it's no big deal if you're good with words because anybody could do it. Unlike MATH. If you're frigginly awesome in Math -- Boy, are you LUCKY. You could walk anywhere with your head held up high since you're GOOD at something really IMPORTANT.

My father said that I shouldn't look at it that way. Hmpf. He's just saying that because I'm self-pitying again. Drats. Trigo & Physics & College is really making me feel.. degraded. I know I'm stupid. They don't have to rub it on my face. Because I know.

I know where my future will be? Out there, wiping leftovers in restaurants. Or scrubbing the floors in a hotel. Shit. I'm at it again, am I? But, really, I'm getting tired of feeling sorry for myself.. Then again, every time I remember how I fail -- it just crushes the happiness out of me. Then, where will you find me? Trying hard to be a happy pancake. The crumbs hurt, though. The crumbs hurt BIG TIME.

SONG: Alphaville's Forever Young.

Did You Have To Turn Your Back When Forever Didn't Last?

Crap. Crap. CRAP! There are still no font buttons! Screw Blogger! Screw those bloody idiots who thought that it would be a hell lot of fun if you blog without your preferred font & alignment. Isn't it GREAT? I've been doing side splits & doing cartwheels since last, last week.

UGH. I don't want to abandon this blog just because there are no fucking buttons. I mean, c'mon.. I had Bloggy with me since I was a Sophomore :> Lourdes made it. :D When everybody else changed their URL's & changed their sites -- I clung to Electromagnetosis for dear life. :) Actually, I had this odd promise to myself -- I wouldn't delete this blog FOREVER! Even if blogs are passe & old-school already -- I would keep this one since I consider it as a friend already. KUDOS ELECTROMAGNETOSIS!

Last Valentines Day, I had a date with Jodie, Ampy, Odessa & Eryel. It was okaaay. Honestly, I think it's BETTER than ok since I'm hanging out with them. Hmmm. I don't know what's wrong with being single. If you have those four -- I think you're complete already. Paranoia. Sarcasm. Oddness. Gayness.. Every weird fact you're looking for -- you'll find them in JAOE. K. :))

Anyway, I finished editing Gego's layout. Gawd. I think it's really nice & really girly. :)) But, I swear, when I first saw it.. I fell in love with it. :"> :)) Ohwell. I really like Gego's layout. :)) Dyosa na nya talaga ako. HAHAHA!

I'm losing my writing bananas :| Swear. My blog posts are crappy & annoying. Screw my dead brain cells. Yo said that stress kills your brain cells. Gawd. No wonder I'm so bloody stupid -- there are NO brain cells left in my minuscule brain! UGH. I'm so stressed out. :| *SIGHS* I like my old writings better. They're more interesting &.. Lovable. :| I hate myself. I swear I do.

SONG: Saves The Day's Anywhere With You. I got addicted to this song last February! :)) I just remembered it today because it's Feb. 16.. K. =)) This song is one of the reasons I LOOOOVE Music. :)

You're Almost Gone. You're Good As Gone.

Today is Friday the 13th. I wasn't unlucky. Pretty cool, huh? To be viciously honest, I think today's the BEST day in my entire week. Everything's straightened out. This is more than what I've prayed for. Thank you GOD. I swear, I'm really thankful. :)

I want to buy her a pair of Vans. But, my only problem is that she might have that pair already. So, I think the best way to buy her the kind of Vans she doesn't have yet is when I'm with her so she could point out what she likes and what she loathes. Get? K. Nevermind. I'm going to find a way.

ANYWAY. We went to KFC today. After that, we went back to STC. Too bad Jodie left early when we were in KFC :| ANYWAY. It was super FUN we danced our hearts out. We screamed our lungs out. We maneuvered our asses like there's no tomorrow. We were giggling & laughing so hard -- people are staring at us. Tut tut. Those kids. Tsk tsk. K. :))

Tomorrow, I'm going to have a date with four of the people I love most in the world. Jodie, Odessa, Eryel & Ampy. I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be the highlight of my week.. I think? :)) And, I SWEAR, it's going to be FUN. I love those guys. They never fail to make me smile. :) I bet tomorrow's going to be my BEST Valentimes EVER. Don't call me stupid. I misspelled Valentines on purpose. I think it's cooler when you say VALENTIMES instead of Valentines. Then again. :))

Ohwell. I'm going to take a bath. I'm stinky. I'm smelly. I need to wash off the stench. UGH.

Lots & lots of love,
Rina :)

*****
(EDIT)

You know what, I've never realized how lucky I am to have my father. I've never realized how fortunate I am to have a father who constantly say stuff like, "Rina. Mag-diet ka na, anak." *PAUSE* "Pero kahit ano mangyari, MAGANDA ka padin!". I've never realized how God blessed me with a father who actually believes in me. Who gets mad at me whenever I say things like, "I don't think I could do it anymore. I want to quit.", "I'm not good at it. Si Yo nalang." Who would croon those mushy words that make me wince, "Pakiss nga sa Baby Girl ko! Eto ang FAVORITE DAUGHTER ko ehh." wherein I would reply, "Ehh kung may iba kang daughter, patay ka saken." Who would tell me to be more patient with my ever-annoying mom. Who would try his best to make me laugh whenever I'm gloomy. Who would forever spoil me with iPods, laptops, & FOOD THAT I WOULDN'T CONSIDER AS "DIET FOOD". Who's ALWAYS my KAKAMPI. Who begs me to try to act more as a girl than as a boy since I'm his Unica Hija. Who literally blinds himself with the idea that I'm the PRETTIEST girl in the world. Who supports me with my weird Johnny Depp Fantasies. Who would neglect his career to "hang out" with me every break when I'm in college already. Who honestly thinks that I may have a shot in the world someday. Who doesn't abandon me whenever I have my mood swings and I tend to snub everybody. Who doesn't feel embarrassed to have ME as a DAUGHTER. Who tells me that, "Ok lang anak. Kahit ano mangyari, andito naman ako palagi ehh."

How lucky am I? Today he bought those roses I receive every Valentines Day since I was 6. I don't need any other man in my life. I swear. I'm dead serious. Nobody could EVER replace my good ol' man. And, I PROMISE, if I succeed in the future -- it's because of him. It's because he gave me ALL the reasons I need to believe and trust in myself.

SONG: We The Kings' August Is Over.

So Much For My Happy Ending.

.. Sienna's screaming her lungs out. Syempre, na-LSS naman ako. :)) I'm at her house again, making that god-forsaken Gingerbread Guy. It's making my eyebags go bananas. I need to go to beeeed. I've been really grumpy today and I think I need to say sorry to all my, um, victims. REALLY. Honestly, I'm losing the will & the, how should I put it, the "happiness" to live. Really. K. Di kelangan mag-emote. :)) Pero, seriously.. I'm getting bored with my fucked-up life. What's new? The only thing I could achieve is to annoy my parents, anyway.

I want to feel loved. Really.

ANYWAAAAAY. I hope I could straighten things out. Everything was ok. Too bad I was so preoccupied with some other stuff -- I didn't notice God answering my prayers. Too fucking bad. And now, I'm asking -- I'm BEGGING him for another chaaaance. Please, please, PLEASE God. 'Cause, honestly, I don't want to lose her. Cheesy as it sounds, she's all that I need now. As I've said before -- she's my bright little ray of sunshine. Always.

.. Then again, I have to go. We need to make the man-shapes out of those lumpy dough-stuff.

SONG: Goo Goo Doll's Before It's Too Late.

She's Such A Crush.

I finally realized how much I've missed my blog. I've been an.. well, introvert these past, er, weeks. Swear. Even for my standards, my own attitude didn't and won't qualify. I swear. I mean, c'mon, I'm very open. I have a big mouth and everybody knows my secrets. RIGHT? That reminds me. I shouldn't trust ALL the people in the world! I should get to know them first before I tell them every dark detail about me. That's one of of my main problems, I'm so trusting. I easily, easily, easily trust people. But, when that trust breaks -- I dunno, I have a hard time trusting that person again. :| My reaction's normal, right?

It's almost 10. If my parents find out that I'm still awake -- they will triple-ground me. Then again, I could hear them snoring in the other bedroom. Good sign. I could stay up until 3 in the morning. HAHAHAHA. Kidding. :))

I'm torn between wanting to go to school and not wanting to go to school. I want to go to school because I want to see my friends and, ok, it's hard to miss the Trigo & Physics lectures. It's like missing the other half of your butt. Hmm, I don't want to go to school because I'm DEAD-TIRED. Since the summer last year, I literally NEVER had a break. I'm so exhausted. I know they forced me to go to Review School twice and, ok, attend Enrichment Classes for my own sake. But, C'MON, dear God, no wonder my brain's malfunctioning.. I'm so fucking TIRED.

Do you know what's worse? I attended all those classes and I didn't pass in my dream school. Oo. Bitter ako, HINDING-HINDI na ako makakaget-over dyan. My father said that I should go and try UST for a year -- then, if my grades are good, I could take another exam and, ok, maybe transfer in Ateneo. He even said that maybe I could make an appeal or something (I couldn't really remember..) 'cause he was saying that maybe I was waitlisted. I told him, "Ano ako? Second choice? They didn't accept me the first time I tried. Ayoko na. Una palang ayaw na nila saken, ehh di, fine, WAG. Pero ang masasabi ko lang, hinding-hindi ako papayag na second choice lang ako. It's either they take me or not. Bahala sila. Gagalingan ko nalang. Kung san man ako pupulutin." Those are my exact words. :)) I could still remember it because my father scolded me. He said that it's not the proper way to look at things yidi-yada blah-blah-blah. Ohwell. I'm a goner anyway. San pa nga ba ako pupulutin?

K. Nagseself-pity na naman ako. But, dude, you wouldn't understand me since you didn't fail 3 FUCKING schools. T-H-R-E-E. Oo. Ganon ako kaboba. Masaya ka na? No wonder my mom thinks na puro kahihiyan lang talaga yung binibigay ko sa kanila. Wala akong nagagawang tama. I can't please them. Whenever I try, I fail. And, honestly, I don't see any point in trying anymore. What's the point in wasting all my efforts when the only thing I would get is a bumubulagang FAILURE. Dinadaan ko nalang sa tawa LAHAT LAHAT LAHAT.. Kasi, sanay na naman ako na wala akong nagagawang tama ehh. :)) Pero, you know what, kahit minsan, kahit MINSAN lang talaga -- gusto ko marinig na masabi ng parents ko na masaya sila sa nagagawa ko kahit boba ako. Kahit ONCE lang, ok na ko. 'Yung parang kahit tatanga-tanga ako, hindi nila ako kinakahiya. Ganon lang.

Ok. Tama na. Kadiri. Madrama na. :)) It's time to suh-leeeep. :)) Night. :D

She's One In A Million.

Bandfest last Friday. It was FUN. Super. Nagkabati na ang mga dapat magkabati samen. You guys know what I mean. The Odessa Issue. The Ampy Issue. The Eryel Issue. The Dorilie Issue. K. Binulgar din. :)) Pero, I mean, when these guys opened up (Oo. Kasi 'yung samen ni Jodie, inayos na namen ehh. :D) they got everything cleared up. Diba? It's so goooood to be finally one again. K. =))

Kudos Claudette Dabu for my fuh-reeee Starbucks Venti Frappe :)) Plus, si Maully din. Kapal ng mukha ko, hiningian ko din ng pera :)) I swear, I'm BANKRUPT. And, it didn't help na magkaaway na naman kame ni Mommy, kaya hindi ko nahingan ng pera. *sighs* I hate the feeling of being poor and getting bankrupt. :| Nakakafrustrate. :| K. Nawalan lang ng pera ng isang araw, nag-emote na :))

Blogger's so effing fucked-up! As in mga 1 week na akong inis na inis kasi nawawala 'yung buttons sa taas na nagpapajustify at nakakapagpalit ng FONT. Leche. Ayoko ng nakikita ko na font. Ayoko ng hindi justified!! Nabbwiset talaga ako! SERYOSO.

Plenty of issues this week. It's wearing my brain off. Literally. I need to fix myself. I swear. I've been grouchy and bossy and annoying -- I know that it pisses everybody off -- especially when I get mad just because. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'm super stressed out. Or maybe I'm simply a dick. I'm sorry. I swear, I'm sorry. I'm really bothered with the things Jodie, Ampy, and even Mons said. I'm not mataray naman ehh. Nahahawa nalang talaga siguro ako. K. =))

I really want the old Rina back. Sabe ko sainyo, nag-iba ako ehh. :| Sabe nga ni Mons, dati tawa lang ako ng tawa. Hindi ako nagtataray. Hindi ako nang-iirap. Hindi ako nang-babara. Susmariosep. I don't know what happened. But I'm 200% sure that something triggered my katarayan. :| I'm going to try EVERYTHING so that I could be like my old sunny self. Shoot. Sobrang identity crisis na to.

Ohwell. Everything's going WELL. I knew it was too good to be true. I just have to walk in the middle of the mud and slomp my face on it. :|

SONG: True To Me by Metro Station.

You're The Reason Why I Burst And Why I Bloom.

It's almost 11P.M. and I'm still sitting in front of Sienna's computer in their house. Take note: I am NOT going to sleep here. We're trying to fix everything for our Feasibility Study tomorrow. Ugh. Stress is trying to take the sanity out of me. I'm really sleepy.

God. I am so effing scared. I want to graduate. I mean, c'mon, for heaven's sake.. Graduation Day's on MY 17th birtday! My parents are going to kill me if I don't graduate. I swear, they would. Especially my mom. She tends to.. Nag and.. God. I don't want to talk about it. We're in good terms right now.. So, I'm leaving it like that. But, I swear. I'm trying my best. I AM. *sighs* Really, when I'm beginning to appreciate what's going on with my usually topsy-turvy life -- something would happen to make me realize that, yeah, everything's fucked up -- NOTHING would change. So, do you honestly think I appreciate HOPE? I ABHOR that bloody word. It just makes you think of nice stuff for a while -- then when you snap out of it, you'll realize that YOU'LL LOSE. You're pathetic. You're HOPELESS. The really bad part is that YOU cling to that word because you're ACTUALLY HOPING for SOMETHING. There's NOTHING to hope or yearn for. NOTHING.

God, I'm ranting again, am I? Sorry. I'm just feeling VERY loser-ish for a couple of months now.

Anyway, I got my planner last Monday (KUDOS PAUIIE!!!) and I've been obssessing about it for.. 3 days now. HAHAHAHA :)) Swear. You should look at Odessa and I. We're holding our planners like it's our first time to have one. :)) Really. it's funny. :))

Talk to you soon.

Ciao.

SONG: Motion City Soundtrack's Hold Me Down.

& We All Fall Down..

LONG TIME NO TAAAAALK.

You can't blame me. Our Internet's BROKEN. Honestly, I must've said all the curse words to the, um, repair-ers. Those bloody idiots. Been calling them non-stop for five fucking days.

Anyway, OUTBOUND LAST FRIDAY. It was lots of FUUUUN. All the pictures are still in my cam, I'm going to upload it when out internet's fixed na :D I honestly miss the Cyberworld. I swear. :( I miss talking to my friends. I miss reading OMG! in Yahoo. I miss BLOGGING.

I'm in the Computer lab right now. It's my only access to the Cyberworld. HAHAHAHA.

It's February 2! This is my first post for February :D And.. I got my planner TODAY! I LOVE IT! :D I've been clinging to it for dear life. Hahaha. I'm being malabo again, am I?

Everything's going well. I think..? I hope it lasts.

Jeez. I said I'm done for good. I've been saying that since July. Look at me now, I still can't.. GO FORWARD. *sighs* Ohwell. This better be good. I'm crossing my fingers. :)