I have an oral exam on OB-Gyne tomorrow but god I am still so tired from the 5th longs last week.
Anyway, the world is under a pandemic right now and ugh I don't really want to dwell on that because that's where my head has been since March.
Right now.. well. We're always talking. We video chat and talk on the phone every day. Sometimes he says he has feelings for me. Sometimes he says he thinks we're better off friends. But sometimes he says he doesn't know if he just want to stay friends. The one thing he's sure of, though, was that he wants me in his life forever.
Labo diba? This person really gets me and it sucks so bad that we're like this. But, Idk. I think I have to learn to detach from him. By graduation, when I leave school, I think.. I think the best thing to do is leave everything behind and start fresh somewhere, you know?
The sucky part was I wasn't able to properly grieve in 2018. It's like everybody just expected me to move on, to forget how much I loved this guy, how much this guy meant to me.. How I thought this person was it, you know? "Just move on." As if it's that easy. And so.. I wasn't able to grieve.
You know, the funny thing was, we only stopped talking for two months. By December, we were talking every day and updating each other and telling each other stuff. I think that was another mistake. I should've just stopped and never replied and shit. I mean, I wasn't fully over him then and then.. we're back to normal.
He keeps on saying that he's not with anyone. Until now. He keeps on saying he's single and he's not courting anyone and Idk. I know and I feel like a back-up plan. It's just hard because I get to se him every day. WELL, except the last few months (since March!!!!!) but he calls and video chats every day.
It's really hard because I really loved him and I'm always 100% myself with him - good parts, bad parts, everything. So.. Idk.
I wish I'd get to move on na. Maybe then, being "best friends" would be the perfect set up with him.
