Waves.

******

EDIT:  Do you know what freaks me out?  I think I'm turning into some person that the old and normal me would loathe.  I've been having this weird and bipolar feelings recently.  One minute I'm boisterously laughing, the next minute, I want to fling my hands around and murder the first person I see.  Is something wrong with me?  Like, seriously?  I never had these extreme tendencies and feelings before.  Now?  It's just freakishly different.  It scares me sometimes.

I don't know if I'm feeling these.. um.. feelings and experiencing these bipolar tendencies because of all the fucked up things happening in my life right now.  Dear God, I don't want to be melodramatic.  The thing is, I'm just fucking sick of everything.  And I mean everything.  I can't see the sunshine or the rainbow after the rain.  I would never see the glass being half-full.  I can't freakin' see the cloud's silver lining!  It's all fucked-up everything.  Home, school, family, friends.. Everything.  What's there to be happy about?  What's there to be thankful for?  What's there to look forward to?  God, my problems never.. It never stops from flowing and from making me go crazy.

I have no idea when this free-falling, brain-fucking, heart-stopping, whirlwind ride would stop.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I've been begging and pleading with God for, what, 2 months now.  It just never stops. I know He has these Divine plans for all of us but.. Please, oh, please.  Can these plans come sooner?  Please?  Before I lose all of the sanity I'm desperately clinging and holding on to.

People can't (and honestly shouldn't) judge me.  Nobody knows what I've been going through lately.  Nobody.