I have mentioned before
that I have, like, a lot of acquaintances and “buddies” but I only managed to
have, what, two or three true and close friends. Sometimes (well, recently), I think I made
the wrong decision to, you know, build an exclusive wall around me and these buddies. I should’ve formed a deeper relationship with
my acquaintances and “friends”, I should’ve made a greater effort to share
myself more to them, I should’ve bonded with them more, you know? I wouldn’t feel so alone if that’s the case.
I feel like I’m
silently sitting in a corner while everyone around me’s changing and moving
forward. Are you getting me? I mean, most of my friends and buddies are very busy already. It's either they're at school getting harassed by a shitload of stuff to do or they’re working and toiling hard
and contributing to society while I’m at home completing all of Al Pacino’s
movies. I'm happy for them, really, I am, it's just that.. they're moving too fast and they're moving without me. Is it 'cause I'm a bum right now? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy
with my move this year, I really am. I
love how I’m with my parents again. I
love the free and the great food. I love
how I could stay up late and wake up at 11 am the next morning without anyone
bothering me. I love it! It’s just that I think I’m drifting away from
my peers. Recently, I’m the last one to
know about everything. I mean, that’s
okay. If we’re not really close, I don’t
really give a fuck, I’m just there for the gossip, you know? But sometimes it feels like my friends don’t
care enough to include me in their life anymore. I feel so left out. Okay, wow, funny inside jokes you have. Oh, great, what is s/he cheering you on for,
wow, I don’t know what you guys are talking about. So, this shit makes me think that I didn’t
(don’t) have enough impact, or value,
for that matter, on my friends to be missed and talked to. I mean, are they afraid that I really wouldn’t
take things seriously (if they have problems or shit), Jesus, I may be awkward
in handling situations like that but I always listen and I pay attention. And I think that’s a hundred times better
than saying shit like, “There, there, it’s
okay It’s going to be alright.” ‘cause we don’t know if it’s going to be
fucking alright at all!
Don’t get me wrong, I
reach out too. I text (a lot), I send
weird and cryptic WeChat and LINE messages, I try, okay. So, it’s not like I’m completely shunning
everybody out. So, why are people ignoring
me? Am I bore? Actually, I think I’m well-read enough to
converse about various topics and shit.
If you want me to stop yapping about The Killers or Al Pacino, all you
have to do is change the subject. Do you
want to talk about the Ku Klux Klan?
Okay, sure, fine. Lizzie Borden? Okay. My Morning Jacket? Sure, go ahead. Ayn Rand?
Neil Gaiman? Attila the Hun? Pol Pot?
Napoleon Bonaparte? Vladimir
Putin? Reggie Miller? Peja Stojakovic? Machu Picchu?
Okay, let’s! Miley Cyrus? Suits?
That 70’s Show? American Dad? Downton Abbey? Okay.
So, why are people ignoring (and abandoning) me? I seriously don’t get it.
Maybe ‘cause I’m mean-spirited
and I have really faulty friendship skills.
But.. meh. Not all of it could be my fault. Like what I’ve said, I try to reach out and
talk, you know?
To outsiders, it may
seem like I’m overreacting or shit, but you don’t experience this. So, unless you do, go stuff your face with
egg pie or pudding or something.
Anyway, heh, whatever.
I’m going to buy a pet lion and name him Phantom or Brent! Ohhhh I’m so excited! I’m serious about this shit. I’ve already talked about this with my
mom. I told her I’m going to buy and
train one when I get older (and when I get rich, of course. Duh.)
Hihihi. I really, really, really
want one. I can’t believe I never voiced
this out before. I’ve been thinking
about this for, like, a year now. I
really want a pet lion.
See you when I see you!
