What Kind Of Monster Are You?

Yesterday, my mom and I watched the new Wolverine movie.  There was a scene at the latter part of the film where Wolverine was being shot (arrowed down.. whatever) to death.  He was staggering and he was dying.  My mom was closing her eyes because there were, like, thirty or forty arrows on his back and he was whimpering because, well, yeah, it was gonna be a painful death and stuff.  Do you know what my initial reaction was?  I laughed.  As in, I didn't plan it but, when I saw Wolverine trying desperately to escape while he was being showered down with arrows - I laughed.  Like, really laugh.

I think that's not a normal reaction.  And the way my mom looked at me while I was giggling maniacally, well..  It was disturbing.

I don't want to be like this but I find it hard to have the proper reactions for tragedies and shit.  Sometimes, I have really, really, really, really late reactions.  Remember the massacre thing early this year?  The one where some kids and a teacher died?  I was watching some clips of the parents crying over their children and stuff and I didn't feel anything.  I only felt sympathy after four fucking days.  I kid you not.  Remember the Boston Bombing?  I tweeted "#PrayForBoston" because that's what's expected of me but, again, I had a really late reaction about this tragedy.  I felt angry, though.  I was furious with the bombers for what they did.  But, I only got sad about the incident after about five days or something.  Just last week I saw some bloody person being carried out to an ambulance.  There was another highway accident, see.  Seeing someone so limp and bloody (and I'm a bit sure that he's gonna die), I didn't gasp or feel any stab of pity or something.  I felt nothing.  I looked at the (almost) dying man and I felt nothing.  It's been a week and I'm still waiting for my reaction and pity or sympathy to come.

I haven't actually thought of this situation of mine as abnormal but, wow, the way my mom lifted her eyebrows and looked at me during that Wolverine scene..  God.  I mean, I don't think it's my fault that I found it funny!  When I think about it now, I still grin!  It was really funny for me!

I don't like this.  Why am I noticing this just now.  I don't like this.  I don't like this.  It's making me sad.  :-(