You Know That I Was Hoping That I Could Leave This Star-Crossed World Behind.

This is one of the best The Killers songs in the world.

I love listening to Spaceman a lot because it obviously talks about depression and a botched-up suicide attempt.  It talks about how most people around you don't care about what you're going through 'cause they don't know what's happening inside your chaotic and self-destructive mind (And they're zipping white light beams, disregarding bombs and satellites/ And the public don't dwell on my transmission 'cause it wasn't televised.)  People talk about how it's gonna be okay, how life's going to be fine, how it's "all in your mind" (The song maker says, "It ain't so bad."  The dream maker's gonna make you mad.  The spaceman says, "Everybody look down.  It's all in your mind") but they have no idea.  No freakin' idea.

This song reminds me so much of, what I call, The Dark Times.  It was around my junior year in college.  My maternal grandmother got hospitalized for two weeks, my favorite grandfather was dying of lung cancer, there were other family problems, and I had school problems - I felt that I was losing everyone.  That year was a really, really, really, really bad time for me.  You guys have no idea how many times I've contemplated on just killing myself to end everything.  I was really, really, really sad.

One thing you need to know is that when I'm in deep-shit, I refuse to talk to people.  I dwell on my problems alone.  That's why nobody at school knew what I was going through.  I kept a happy-cheery facade when all I wanted to do was overdose so that I could finally rest.  I was tired.  I was so tired.

One night, I just couldn't take it anymore, my nose and eyes were puffy from all the crying, out of nowhere, Jodie texted me.  It was like a miracle because minutes later, I've told her everything and, well, I didn't feel so alone.

When I think about that crappy year, I dunno, I think, somehow, I'm glad that I didn't end my life.  I'm not going to pretend that my life is picture-perfect at the moment but, at least, I have hope now.  I think I'm going to have a bright future (even if the process scares the bejesus out of me.)  I just have to start learning to depend on other people when life gets too tough, you know?  Maybe I should learn how to tell my problems and not keep it all inside.

P. S. I want to watch The Killers concert.  God, please, please, please!