Just Try To Wait It Out.

I'm currently obsessed with Imperial Mammoth's Little Earthquakes! Omg it's so catchy and it spreads good vibes. Sort of. Well, most of the time.

I miss having a laptop but I'm so fucking embarrassed to ask for a new one especially now that the tuition fee for one semester in my medical school skyrocketed to 150, 000. 150, 000 pesos, are you freaking kidding me? I can't freakin' waste 300k this year, so, yeah, extra pressure for me. I remember when I told my mom that it's now 150k per semester, I was so embarrassed and I told her I'm really sorry 'cos hello, third time ko ng first year padin, tangina naman. And all she said was, "Huh? Alam ko. Ano ka ba, wala yun." Wala yun 'cause it's for my fucking future - because I fucking want this. Hay nako, once I become a doctor, tangina magulang ko mamumunini ng kikitain ko.

Why the fuck didn't I take up a premed course? I don't usually have regrets 'cause my crazy decisions always end up like an adventure but, well, not taking up a premed course has got tp be the BIGGEST FUCKING MISTAKE of my entire life. And remembering how unfullfilled (how do you spell this thing??) and just goddamn miserable I was back in college (read my posts when I was in college, all I wanted was to get it over and done with. Or die. Why? 'Cause the people are so fucking fake and I knew that I could only depend on, what, two people? God, I hated college so much. Even in my group of friends, ano, at least may dalawa na sobrang pacool and sobrang iniiba image nila in front of different people. Palibhasa super loser nung HS. God, it pisses me off just thinking about it. 'Cause I've always been candid of who I am as a person and then BAM, two super fake people kagad in my midst. UGHHHHHHHH), I should've shifted to a premed course. But I was SO STUBBORN and HARD-HEADED. Basically 'cause I hate it when people tell me what to fucking do. (Let's put it this way, of all the shit my parents told me to not do, the only thing that I followed through is the don't have sex before marriage thing. And, let's face it, I haven't had sex 'cause hello, NBSB.) My parents wanted me to take up Medicine, so what did I do? I took something at the opposide side of the Science spectrum. Tas in the end magmemed din pala ako. So, I guess they got the last laugh.

I think I'm lashing out at everything again 'cause I feel so lost and unhappy right now. And the person I really want to talk to and I know who wants to actually listen to my shit is, what, a 2 hour drive away (which sucks 'cause I don't know how to drive.) Hay. I miss you Mommy. 😢