This blog has been with me since I was a sophomore in HS and, boy, was that a long time ago. I was 14 when I started this - I'm 27 now. Anyway, point is, I have never been a hopeless romantic. I thought it was a waste of time and that I was too preoccupied with myself to share a part of me with someone else. I couldn't imagine myself telling someone every bit of my day. If I remember correctly, most of my posts revolve around me growing old on my own and being excited about that prospect, cheerfully adopting a son who I would fondly call Inigo. In all honesty, I was happy and contented with my happy crushes. I wasn't looking for anything. I didn't feel like anything was missing from my life.
Then I fell in love.
Everything I used to frown upon bit me in the ass. I found myself looking forward to talking to him and being with him every day. I shared all the bad parts about me, all my good parts too. We made promises, we made plans. I thought he was the best blessing I've ever had. I mean, hey, you know what I've been through. Four times in first year Med school. Bouncing back from all of that, I really thought God gave him to me to make up for all the shitty stuff I went through. I ignored the bajillion red flags and convinced myself that he was pure and sincere.
It was such a heartbreaking challenge to see him every day with a new person who he now made promises to. Honestly, it was such a slap in the face.
I trudged through that but, boy, it was the worst challenge I faced in my life.
I think it almost killed me because, as cheesy as this sounds, I gave it my all. It was ephemeral but for me - my love was real. I was really willing to work things out with him and adjust. I really thought what he felt for me was real too.
In a few months, it'll be a year since I had my heart broken and stampeded on. It's still not easy for me to hear his name, see his name, see him, talk to him but, hey, I'm still standing.
If there is a God, my only wish is I never experience that kind of pain again. I will never wish that on my worst enemy. It really broke me, man.
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