I Know I Say That I'm Just Fine But I Hope You Wonder From Time To Time

*SIGHS*

I was really contemplating on stuff. Seriously.

And, I came up with the conclusion that -- I've changed. Yeah. Maybe I was in the stage of denial for too long that I didn't notice it. Maybe that's the reason why I've been having this identity crisis thingy.

I was talking to Odessa the other other other other day. And, I remember that I said that I like the old Rina better. She smiled and she said that she doesn't notice any difference. It sort of bothers me because I know I've changed. I'm grumpier and, I dunno, moodier. I don't think I'm fun anymore :| Sometimes, I look at myself and I feel -- BORED. Like, I'm really boring or something. Booofuckinghooo.

I don't know what's happening to me. Seriously. I miss my old random self. I miss the way I used to think -- like nothing's impossible.. That if I just close my eyes, I could go to Jupiter and build an Ice Cream Stand there. I miss the way I used to laugh at nothing. I miss the sarcasm I used to have that could crack me up after I said it. I miss my sordid and direct-to-the-point opinions. I miss Rina. I miss myself.

I mean, it's as if I'm in a different world lately :| I get sad after I laugh. I have this heavy feeling whenever I smile. I shut up just because. I don't talk about it much at school because I don't want Jodie or Eryel or anybody else to notice that I'm having a very confusing battle inside my brain.

I feel so unsure of the situations around me. I don't know how to react. I don't know what to do. Sometimes, I wonder what the old Rina would do :| I hate it when I'm acting and thinking like a possessed little asshole. :|

*SIGHS*

I dunno. If you think I'm different, smack me at the back and make me snap out of it.

I want the old Rina back. BADLY.

Yeah, OKAAAAY. I know I say that I'm just fine but I hope you wonder from time to time. Figure that out.

SONG: Motion City Soundtrack's Time Turned Fragile.