You'll Never Reach It.

For the second time in my life, I feel like a loser.

I'm going to retake the NMAT this April...  And it's starting to drive me insane!  I have to have at least an 80 because they got stricter this year and.. Jesus fucking lord.  Can you believe my luck?  The previous year a 75 was okay.  This time I need to get at least an 80 or 85 just to be safe.

I know I'm not stupid but.. an 80?  Are you kidding me?  Times like this I wish I took up a pre-med course.  You know what the makes me sad?  I know that I'm going to be a good doctor.  When I see how my mom handles some of her ignorant patients, all I could think of is how she's handling it all wrong.  If I was in her shoes, I would joke with my patients first until they feel comfortable.  I would patiently explain stuff in layman's terms.  I would charm the bejesus out of the patients!  And this fantasy of mine might not come to life because a.) I didn't take up a pre-med course (so, I'm pretty much slow on the terms and stuff) and b.) I have a low NMAT grade.

I don't know.  I just..  It's just that..  I haven't won anything for a long time.  And this time, I know exactly what I want to win at and I might actually lose it.

This sucks.