No One Can Touch Us 🥰

I spent New Year's Eve Eve with my college buds! What a way to spend the second to the last day of the year. A lot has changed since we became friends 10 years ago! Nicole is now engaged and will get married November next year. We were talking about the bachelorette party will throw for her. I missed these people!

So, we went to Vitto's. It was just the 6 of us because Mariam spent the holidays in Canada. Anyway, damn, our bill was 10k. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA we don't know how it happened but then, we said, it's whatever 'cause we only get to see each other once a year.

I got home at around 3:30 in the morning? I miss going home that late!

I hope I'm not on duty (YAS CLAIM IT) on Nicole's wedding!

Giving In To All His Bullshit.

Technology has a funny way of reminding you of things you would rather forget 'no? I was flippantly playing on my phone when I got a notification from Google if I want to view some photo memories from 2 years ago. I knew what was in there. I knew what 2 years ago was but I was curious and, tbh, a masochist so, yeah, I checked it out.

Damn, the crazy wave of emotions. It was brutal. 

I'm still having a hard time accepting things, wrapping my head around all the shit that happened, and, honestly, it's exhausting to be this hard-headed and stubborn and stuuuuupid. It's not fun. 

2020 is coming in a few days. It's going to be the start of a new decade. UGH. Can I please have a nice 2020? Can the world make bawi??

Leave Your Mark & We'll Forget About It.

The Christmas vacation started! It feels so good to be with my family! A lot has happened this year! I haven't documented the trips I've been to since last year. Hmm. Maybe I'll upload some photos when I'm not feeling lazy lol.

Currently watching Gilmore Girls. I'm on season 4 already lol.

Do You Have To Let It Linger?

It's been a year and I'm still far from okay. I don't get why he can't just let me go. What does he want from me? I already said I'll support him ALWAYS in school stuff. He also has my friend's support.  I know he's not in love with me. I know that. I feel that. I know he doesn't care about me. I know what we had was just a game for me (even if it was pure and true for me.) I've been played, yeah, I accepted that. So, what does he want still? I really don't get why he can't just let me go. Because I'm his back up plan? Is it not enough that I've been mourning him since last year? Since my birth month last year? 

I don't know what terrible, terrible thing I did for me to experience this FOR A FREAKING LONG TIME. I mean, come on. 

This might be killing me right now but I vow - I'll forget him. I'll forget everything about him. I'll forget and I'll be okay.

Please let me be okay now.

Take me home where them broken brights are shinning down

I can't believe Broken Brights by Angus Stone is not available for Spotify PH! It's all my feels for this gloomy and rainy Sunday. I'll share it here nalang.

Tomorrow is the first day of July and, boy, am I wishing for an exceptional July. I want my summer vacation to be filled with good memories because my summer vacation last year was shit. 2018 was the worst year of my life, I can't emphasize that enough. 

Here's to hoping and wishing for splendid experiences for the last 6 months of 2019!

You can never break the silence in your heart

This blog has been with me since I was a sophomore in HS and, boy, was that a long time ago. I was 14 when I started this - I'm 27 now. Anyway, point is, I have never been a hopeless romantic. I thought it was a waste of time and that I was too preoccupied with myself to share a part of me with someone else. I couldn't imagine myself telling someone every bit of my day. If I remember correctly, most of my posts revolve around me growing old on my own and being excited about that prospect, cheerfully adopting a son who I would fondly call Inigo. In all honesty, I was happy and contented with my happy crushes. I wasn't looking for anything. I didn't feel like anything was missing from my life.

Then I fell in love.

Everything I used to frown upon bit me in the ass. I found myself looking forward to talking to him and being with him every day. I shared all the bad parts about me, all my good parts too. We made promises, we made plans. I thought he was the best blessing I've ever had. I mean, hey, you know what I've been through. Four times in first year Med school. Bouncing back from all of that, I really thought God gave him to me to make up for all the shitty stuff I went through. I ignored the bajillion red flags and convinced myself that he was pure and sincere.

It was such a heartbreaking challenge to see him every day with a new person who he now made promises to. Honestly, it was such a slap in the face.

I trudged through that but, boy, it was the worst challenge I faced in my life.

I think it almost killed me because, as cheesy as this sounds, I gave it my all. It was ephemeral but for me - my love was real. I was really willing to work things out with him and adjust. I really thought what he felt for me was real too. 

In a few months, it'll be a year since I had my heart broken and stampeded on. It's still not easy for me to hear his name, see his name, see him, talk to him but, hey, I'm still standing.

If there is a God, my only wish is I never experience that kind of pain again. I will never wish that on my worst enemy. It really broke me, man.

Taiwan 2019

First out of the country trip with friends! I went with Nikka, Krizia, and Dea to Taiwan from June 19-23! It was super fun and tiring! We walked a lot o m g. It was definitely a treat after the hellish fucking year I had. Thanks to my sponsors - my parents. Love you guys so much 🥰

I'm lazy na to upload other photos but I ate A LOT OF FOOD. HAHAHAHA.

Oh, there was this shop where they sell fucking amazeballs school supplies (THANKS KATH RACHO FOR THE TIP) it was my fucking haven!!!!!!

Maybe I'll edit this some other time to post the food I ate lol

So far I'm having a rad summer break ❤️

#DareToBeDifferent

Our end of the year celebration at Cafe Ilang Ilang in Manila Hotel! We were all wearing white (WE DIDN'T COORDINATE WITH EACH OTHER) and Mamel was the only one wearing red; thus, the hashtag Dare To Be Different. TAWANG TAWA AKO HAHAHAHAHA

Damn I wish I pass 2nd year Med. Can't wait to get out of that hellhole!

Happy New Year?

Why are you making epal in my life again? Just let me go.