There's things I wanna talk about but better not to give

10 more days until I turn.. 34 🙈 I'm not looking forward to getting a year older but I generally like my birthdays! However, I think my birthday celebration with my family would be on the 26th since my parents are going to a wedding on my actual birthday. Ughhhhh. Idk what I want to do, though. I've said before that I prefer spending my birthdays alone and celebrating with family and friends the next few days. But now I'm living at home so.... there's no alone time (although technically it's always alone time because I spend 99% of my time in my bed room haha)

I've been ruminating recently and I feel like I've gotten colder haha. But tbffff I honestly don't care if people don't like me. I have never been a people-pleaser that's why some of my relatives (especially on my mom's side) labeled me as "difficult" haha. My mindset growing up was I should like myself and who I'm becoming +++ my parents' impression of me. Those are the only two perspectives that mattered to me - my own opinion of myself and my parents' opinion of me. That's it. SO ANYWAYYYYYY, yes I don't really care if people don't like me but I was GENERALLY A CHEERFUL person before. Prior the trauma in you-know-where, I was easygoing and sunny and bubbly. After the chaos, I could still joke around but I've gotten more.. Idk. Like.. more weary and more serious? I was more jokey with people and random strangers before (BUT TBFFFFF I'M STILL LIKE THAT WITH MY FRIENDS) but now I'm polite and I give direct to the point answers even if strangers are joking with me or making small talk. Grabe, sobrang friendly ko talaga before even the driver of the President of UERM, kachikahan ko. Yung ibang restaurant owners around UERM, ka-first name basis ko. AS IN. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Nung college, ako yung pinapaka-usap nila palagi sa mga terror profs kasi nabobola-bola ko (para maextend deadline ng thesis... etc etc HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA)

I think that's the part of me I miss the most. Parang.. remember the Dreamer and Realist analogy of Cam from Modern Family? For the past 9 years, I feel like I kind of stopped being the Dreamer. OMG even my MBTI nga eh! Since I was in HS, ENFP ako. Tas I checked like 2 years ago? ENTP na ko haha. Well, tbf, with my close friends sobrang kulit ko padin (like kila Dessa, Kyle, kung pano ako before ganon padin lokohan namin HAHAHAHAHAHA) 

Maybe it's a part of growing up 'no? You shed your skin and you wear a more tight-lipped and severe mask?