Now, Here Is Where The Culprit Lies.

Some days, I feel like high-fiving every person I see.  Other days, I feel like I'm dead inside.  Today is one of those dead-inside days.

It's that time of the month again.

Live It Up!

Here's Looking At You, Kid from monkeyculture on 8tracks Radio.

Here's the tracklist:

• America's Son by Air Review
• Again by How To Dress Well
• All of the People by Panama Wedding
• Buffalo Skull by The Ruby Troupe
• Changing of the Seasons by Two Door Cinema Club
• Conduits by Davids feat. Terra Lightfoot
• Harper Lee by Little Green Cars
• In Dreams (Bedroom Version) by Tomemitsu
• Into the Wild by Lewis Watson
• It's Easy, I Guess by David Lemaitre
• Live It Up by POP ETC
• The Lovers' Suicide by The Bilinda Butchers
• New Campaigns by CREATURES
• Oh Sailor by Mr Little Jeans feat. The Silverlake Conservatory of Music Youth Chorale
• On / Off by I Used To Be A Sparrow
• Out of my League by Fitz and the Tantrums
• Overture by Sleeping At Last
• Palindrome by Bikos
• Pegasus by Gems
• Piggyback by The Hudson Branch
• Rainy Saturday by Hayden
• Silly Boy by The Blue Van
• So Far From Here by Tunng
• So Long by Siôn Russell Jones
• Stay by Astronaut Husband
• Take Me Away by The Dimes
• Vampire's Kiss by John Gold
• Wasted Summer by Howler Jr.
• Werewolf by Cat Power
• Whatever, Happy Birthday by The All-About
• When I Get Older by Wild Party
• You Are Enough by Sleeping At Last

Enjoy my beautiful freaks!  If you have any feedback, feel free to talk to me!  Hihihihi!

I Carried It Well.

I have mentioned before that I have, like, a lot of acquaintances and “buddies” but I only managed to have, what, two or three true and close friends.  Sometimes (well, recently), I think I made the wrong decision to, you know, build an exclusive wall around me and these buddies.  I should’ve formed a deeper relationship with my acquaintances and “friends”, I should’ve made a greater effort to share myself more to them, I should’ve bonded with them more, you know?  I wouldn’t feel so alone if that’s the case.

I feel like I’m silently sitting in a corner while everyone around me’s changing and moving forward.  Are you getting me?  I mean, most of my friends and buddies are very busy already.  It's either they're at school getting harassed by a shitload of stuff to do or they’re working and toiling hard and contributing to society while I’m at home completing all of Al Pacino’s movies.  I'm happy for them, really, I am, it's just that.. they're moving too fast and they're moving without me. Is it 'cause I'm a bum right now? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with my move this year, I really am.  I love how I’m with my parents again.  I love the free and the great food.  I love how I could stay up late and wake up at 11 am the next morning without anyone bothering me.  I love it!  It’s just that I think I’m drifting away from my peers.  Recently, I’m the last one to know about everything.  I mean, that’s okay.  If we’re not really close, I don’t really give a fuck, I’m just there for the gossip, you know?  But sometimes it feels like my friends don’t care enough to include me in their life anymore.  I feel so left out.  Okay, wow, funny inside jokes you have.  Oh, great, what is s/he cheering you on for, wow, I don’t know what you guys are talking about.  So, this shit makes me think that I didn’t (don’t)  have enough impact, or value, for that matter, on my friends to be missed and talked to.  I mean, are they afraid that I really wouldn’t take things seriously (if they have problems or shit), Jesus, I may be awkward in handling situations like that but I always listen and I pay attention.  And I think that’s a hundred times better than saying shit like, “There, there, it’s okay  It’s going to be alright.”  ‘cause we don’t know if it’s going to be fucking alright at all!

Don’t get me wrong, I reach out too.  I text (a lot), I send weird and cryptic WeChat and LINE messages, I try, okay.  So, it’s not like I’m completely shunning everybody out.  So, why are people ignoring me?  Am I bore?  Actually, I think I’m well-read enough to converse about various topics and shit.  If you want me to stop yapping about The Killers or Al Pacino, all you have to do is change the subject.  Do you want to talk about the Ku Klux Klan?  Okay, sure, fine.  Lizzie Borden?  Okay.  My Morning Jacket?  Sure, go ahead.  Ayn Rand?  Neil Gaiman?  Attila the Hun?  Pol Pot?  Napoleon Bonaparte?  Vladimir Putin?  Reggie Miller?  Peja Stojakovic?  Machu Picchu?  Okay, let’s!  Miley Cyrus?  Suits?  That 70’s Show?  American Dad?  Downton Abbey?  Okay.  So, why are people ignoring (and abandoning) me?  I seriously don’t get it.

Maybe ‘cause I’m mean-spirited and I have really faulty friendship skills.  But..  meh.  Not all of it could be my fault.  Like what I’ve said, I try to reach out and talk, you know?

To outsiders, it may seem like I’m overreacting or shit, but you don’t experience this.  So, unless you do, go stuff your face with egg pie or pudding or something.

Anyway,  heh, whatever.  I’m going to buy a pet lion and name him Phantom or Brent!  Ohhhh I’m so excited!  I’m serious about this shit.  I’ve already talked about this with my mom.  I told her I’m going to buy and train one when I get older (and when I get rich, of course.  Duh.)  Hihihi.  I really, really, really want one.  I can’t believe I never voiced this out before.  I’ve been thinking about this for, like, a year now.  I really want a pet lion.

See you when I see you!

Open The Sky, Let Me Fly.

Omg, Al Pacino is soooo adorable in Scarecrow, swear to God.  His character there (Lion/Francis) is alike to his character in The Panic in Needle Park (Bobby) although, Lion is not a druggie.  He has so many facial expressions, he's so adorable! :3

He's so ridiculously handsome.  Jesus.

It's so hard not to fall in love with him, you know?

Steal A Car And Ring-Around-Rosey.

Teeny tiny MGG is such a cutie patootie!

I found this on Tumblr again and I'm gonna answer it 'cause I'm bored hihihihi

• 1. Any scars?
• - Two. One on my right hand and the other on my right arm!
• 2. Self harmed?
• - Nyawp
• 3. Crush?
• - Like, a bajillion people!  But, as of this moment, Al Pacino, Brandon Flowers, MGG (duh), and Dave Keuning (please don't judge me. Parang si Ronnie lang hindi ko naging crush sa The Killers.  Hahahahaha!  But, Dave's really, really, and I mean, REALLY, REALLY hot when he plays the guitar hihihihi)
• 4. Kissed anyone?
• - Yeah-huh
• 5. Coke or Pepsi?
• - Pepsi, always!
• 6. Someone you hate?
• - A blockmate or two..  Or three.  Or five, actually?
• 7. Best Friends?
• - Two J's in mah loife mehehehehe merp
• 8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?
• - Yeah-huh
• 9. What's your dream job?
• - Actually, I don't know.  I just to be rich and I want people to idolize me... Kbye
• 10. Ever been in love?
• - Heh.. I guess so?  Jared Leto is the love of my life!  I know I strayed (quite a lot) but at the end of the day..  It's always going to be him!  Mehehehehe
• 11. Last time you cried?
• - Last week 'cause I didn't get to see The Killers live.  Fucking suuuucks
• 12. Favorite color?
• - Purple, Black, Red, and Brown, actually
• 13. Height?
• - 5'0"
• 14. Birthday?
• - 03251992
• 15. Eye color?
• - Dark Brown
• 16. Hair color?
• - Brown-Black?
• 17. What do you love?
• - Bands!  Indie music, books, Al Pacino films, a bunch of TV shows that I follow!
• 18. Obsession?
• - Same as the shit I love.  Bands and indie music, mostly.
• 19. If you had one wish, what would it be?
• - Easy peasy, lemon squeezy..  I WANT TO SEE THE KILLERS LIVE, OKAY OKAY OKAYYYY
• 20. Do you love someone?
• - Cliche as it might sound but I would give up my life for my family and my special friends.  Pizawtttttt
• 21. Kiss or hug?
• - Neither. Or either.  Not really a touchy-feely person
• 22. Nicknames people call you?
• - Rina, Taba, Fatty, etc. etc. etccccccccc.
• 23. Favorite song?
• - Oh, this is tough.  But I guess Blind Walrus' Ships would always be the first thing that'll come to mind
• 24. Favorite band?
• - DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE.  But, can I give my top 5?  So, DCFC, Sum 41, THE KILLERS (Ughhhhhhhh) Gran Ronde (which sounds like The Killers), and Deas Vail.
• 25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?
• - Didn't get to see The Killers live.  I was in physical pain, I kid you not
• 26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?
• - Saw Jared Leto and DCFC live!!
• 27. Something you would change about yourself?
• - I'm obese so I think that's sort of obvious...  Ahhh, my temper, as well!  I snap easily
• 28. Ever dated someone?
• - Nawpppp
• 29. Worst mistake?
• - Didn't beg for money for concert tickets jujujuju
• 30. Watch the movie or read the book?
• - Read the book.  But, I like watching the movie just so I could criticize it.  I'm a bit of a judgmental know-it-all
• 31. Ever had a heartbreak?
• - Yeah-huh.  The Killers.... (Never really letting this shit go.  Never, never, never!)
• 32. Favorite show?
• - Wow, A LOT.  Hmmmm, Friends, Chuck, Downton Abbey, That 70's Show, Supernatural, Suits, American Dad, ettttc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
• 33. Best day of your life?
• - Finally deciding that I would take a year-off
• 34. Any talents?
• - I could paint
• 35. Do you wish you could ever start over?
• - Sometimes
• 36. Any bad habits?
• - Over and done withhhhh
• 37. Ever had a near death experience?
• - Yeah, I guess.  Driver hit us and I was sleeping in the car and it felt like my heart went to the ground.  T'was scary.  But, infuriating, mostly
• 38. Someone I can tell anything to?
• - Two J's
• 39. Ever lost a loved one?
• - My super awesome paternal grandfather
• 40. Do you believe in love?
• - Regarding the girl-guy falling in love part, well, not as much as most people my age do.  But, yeah, sure.  But, seriously, when I think about love and shit, I always think about my family.. That's the kind of love everyone should cherish.
• 41. Someone you hate/Dislike?
• - A couple of blockmates.  A friend.  Two friends.  Three friends.  Whatever
• 42. Are you okay?
• - Actually, I feel chirpy the last few weeks..  when I don't think about The Killers.  Swear to God!
• 43. Relationship status?
• - Shmingle

Raise A Bayonet In The Dark For All The Human Race.

I can't believe it's October tomorrow already! Wow. September was a breeze!  I didn't even notice it begin.  Well, the highlight of my September is probably missing The Killers concert.  Sorry, I'm not really gonna let that issue go.  Hehe.

Oh God, even looking at them hurts my heart.

The last three weeks, I've been trying to download and complete My Morning Jacket's discography.  It frustrates me that I can't because of our stupid internet connection.  Did I ever mention that we are still using SmartBro?  Yes, we're supposed to switch to MyDSL (as in ikakabit nalang and shit, ha) last May but there were some problems (sobrang tanga ng MyDSL people, hindi makita address namin) and my parents have no time (SERIOUSLY) to look into it.  I've been begging for months and months and months but they're always too busy and shit.  Heh.  My only hope is when Yo comes home.  Maybe he can talk to the internet guy or something.

Blanket On The Hood, Backs Against The Windshield.

I didn't see The Killers last Thursday.  I think I'm going to regret this for the rest of my life.  Sabi nga ni Jason, "Di yan expense, investment yan."  Ugh God.  I'm not kidding when I say that I was in physical pain when people were live-tweeting during the concert.  Ugh.

I don't have much passion for life, but this lack of motivation to live and shit..  My passion for music-listening makes up for.

I'm going to regret this for the rest of my life.

Brother, 'Cause It Hurts Sometimes.

Met up with some of my amazing relatives.  This is a very good distraction.  It helps numb the pain I'm feeling (regarding the The Killers concert I missed yesterday.  Ugh.  But, it worked!  I had a fun time with them hihi.)

Syempre arte na naman ni Mommy zzzzzzzzzz

I like seeing my relatives 'cause it's crazy and noisy and loud because of all the laughing and shit!

I can't wait for Christmas!

If You Should Ever Tire Or If You Should Require A Sudden, Simple, Twist Of Fate..

I won't see The Killers tomorrow.  I won't.  Some people might think I'm overreacting and shit but, Jesus, it's The Killers.  One of my friends asked me before (circa 2011) who my top 5 bands are, I said, Death Cab For Cutie, Sum 41, Deas Vail, Gran Ronde (they fucking sound like The Killers, I kid you not) and, duh, The Killers.  I saw DCFC last year.  Sum 41..  Who knows when they'll hold a concert here.  Twice na nacacancel.  Deas Vail and Gran Ronde?  They're not that popular here in the Philippines so, yeah, there are only a handful of fans.  The Killers... Well, they're going to have a concert tomorrow.  And I'm going to miss it.  Fucking sucks.

You guys have no idea how sad I am right now.  So, excuse me while I drown myself in my tears.

I Ain't No Robber. I'm A Prostitute.

I stand corrected, Al Pacino is handsome-est in The Panic in Needle Park!  Check it:

God nakakaiyak sobrang gwapo huhuhuhuhuhu!!!

Anyway, if Requiem for a Dream didn't help you.. this might.  Although, if Al Pacino's my dealer or something, I might not stop doing drugs, you know, 'cause he's so charming and handsome and perfect!  He's perfect!  HAHAHAHAHA!