BV

Today must be one of the most offensive days ever. Let's skip JM's "Malandi ka, Rina" part. :)) I know he's kidding and he doesn't mean the Malandi-Sa-Boys type Malandi. He was referring to the Magaslaw-Malandi.

Anyway, what I want to say right now is something more disorienting. I treated her with respect and, God knows, how much I liked her. (Plus, we're supposed to be, like, SUPER FRIENDS.) Now that we're not talking, like, everyday anymore -- nagawa nya yun? She knows how much I loathe that slut. She knows! How could she do that?

Do you know what's the BAD part? I don't have any right to feel like this. I don't have any right at all. Damn it.

Self-Pity.

I was browsing and looking at some friend's pictures and I how I wish I didn't. I feel so bad 'cause they're all, like, pretty and glamorous and likeable and PROPER CLOTHES FIT THEM. I feel so terrible. Ok fine. I don't care about skirts or dresses since I'm not girly -- but, dude, silly as it seems -- I AM a girl too. It might not be obvious since I don't act one -- but, it doesn't make me a boy. I want to wear pumps but I'm too scared that the heels might, well, snap when I use it. I want to wear tanktops -- 'cause, DUDE, c'mon, it's not even about flaunting or anything -- the weather is so unbearable here in the Philippines -- it's preferrable to wear sleeveless tops!

I hate being fat. I hate being ugly. I hate my hair. I hate it.

I wish I'm pretty too. People would love me if I'm pretty.

Crap.

I loved yaa way too much.

You couldn't even return that super mesmerizing Rina-affection. :|

It SUCKS to be me.

Konting time nalang & we could forget about each other. Well.. YOU could forget about ME. That's what you want, right?

Take Away My Record Deal -- Go On, I Don't Need It.

I rewatched GossipGirl Season1. And I'm falling all over again for Chuck Bass. :"> Especially with his Blair Issue something. I think the two of them should really be together. Too bad I'm not done yet with Season 2. :| UGH. I MUST HAVE A DVD. There's a lot of catching up to do!

Honestly.. I'm DEAD SCARED. My Trigo grade is, there's no other word for it, a FIASCO. My parents are gonna kill me if I don't march. :| I SWEAR. Dear Lord, please let me graduate on time. I won't ask for a driver's license.. JUST PLEASE LET ME GRADUATE ON TIME. C'mon, this stupid graduation wouldn't be for me -- I want it to for them. Please?

There are classes tomorrow because of some stupid Afternoon Tea or something. Gawd. I thought I could just lie all day in bed & do nothing.. Then, I realized that I have to wake up early tomorrow because we have to be at school by 7.10.. :| Jesus Chriiist.

I'm currently reading The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. God knows how much I've missed reading his works. There are just too many stuff to do this school year -- it's as if I turned my back on Neil Gaiman. GOD. Whatever happens -- I still think he's the BEST author EVER. Nothing beats a good cup of ice cream & a Neil Gaiman book.. I swear. It cured me a lot of times!

******

It's not the same as before.. And, I wonder whose fault it is. :|

C'mon. Give me a break. I can't work on this ALONE. C'mon.

SONG: Still Vanessa Carlton's Nolita Fairytale & Owl City's Saltwater Room.

It's A Sunday. It's A Bloody Sunday.

My mom transferred her bloody iPod files in my iTunes. Now, now, now. I CAN'T STOP BEING MAD BECAUSE I LOST 176* something songs! HOW CAN I STAY CALM? I AM SO.. ANGRY. When I found out, I texted her, "Ma. Sinira mo yung iTunes ko. Yun na nga lang yung nagpapasaya saken, ginanon mo pa. Kamusta naman ako ngayon." She replied that she didn't do anything. Yeah. It's always like that. She didn't do anything.

Ok fine, maybe it was my fault that I borrowed her charger and I forgot where I left it so she was forced to borrow my laptop (since her computer's broken and she badly needs to charge her iPod) so, yeah, she could charge her bloody iPod. But, I mean, C'MON, she could've asked for some help from Yo when it started to get out of hand! Or.. OR, she could've waited for me so that I could give her her bloody charger and that she wouldn't ruin my iTunes.

God. I'm so PISSED OFF.

I swear Ipe's one of the factors I'm very happy these days. Tas mabababoy naman ang vitamins nya. Putragis.

This is mababaw, I know, pero -- BASTA. Alam nyo ba na dahil maypagka-OC ako pagdating sa mga ganyan, I spend 5 hours everytime na mag-uupdate ako ng iPod. As in kelangan aligned yung mga lyrics, or 'yung mga album covers.. 'Yung mga artists, ayoko ng may doble. Kelangan capital letter ang simula. GANON. And now, she's going to tell me that I have to repeat everything! Putris. Hindi ako natutuwa.

Ayoko ng usapang iPod ngayon. Naiinis ako kay Ipe. K. Parang sya ang may kasalanan. Pero, tangna, bakeeet? Baket sya pinagkalulo ng vitamins nya?! Nakakaiyak! Sobrang.. 'Yung effort ko!

Nakakainis.

Loser Loser.

Really. I think I do deserve to be called a "Loser." Really. God. I've realized how much I SUCK. There's no point in denying it anymore. Fine. I suuuuck.

Yesterday, the only thing that made me smile was Ampy's Shakey's galore and Sandra's McFlurry. Hahaha. Plus, yeah, Jodie, Ampy, Mackee, and Sandra. At least they made me forget that I failed in the ACET. :|

When I got home, I went OL for a couple of minutes then I logged out because I feel like crying. Haha. It's super depressing. You won't get me. You won't. You won't experience the feeling of being a LOOOOSER. You won't feel suicidal because you all passed in your dream schools. What's there to feel sorry about? You're lucky.

I swear. My future's bleak. I can't find any reason to smile anymore. Really. This is as depressing as the time when I cried in Odessa's house because of.. Well, you know.

My eyes are puffy. My throat hurts. I feel.. pathetic. Seriously.

My parents are trying their best to make me smile. They're making me go with them to the mall and watch Bedtime Stories with them. I think it's sweet. Still, that wouldn't change the fact that I failed.

I'm watching my dream school float away. :( Gawd. I so hate myself.