answer me, please?

holy schumck! holy son of a gun.. whatever..

i'm almost finished reading 'American Gods' -- it's a freaking, chair-clutching, heart-gripping, time-stopping novel.. I'm enjoying it. :P

life is mysterious. Believe me, we will all die without solving half of the mysteries thrown all around this filthy world we're enjoying. Mystery is a part of life we can not erase or dissolve entirely. It is a part of us, like our hearts that's beating continuously -- unless someone stops it. One shot? You know what's unfair? When we die, mystery is still there -- walking the lonely grounds we have visited when we were still breathing. Well, maybe it's not really unfair -- because the wholly existence of Mystery is a mystery itself. Our existence, in my opinion, is even a mystery. Why do we have to breathe? Why do we have to live? Why do we have to pain our backs just to get hold of a non-existing future? Ok, there's future for some -- but it's not for all.

Mystery is a ticket to complicate Life. Then again, life will be too-damn boring without a good dose of mystery.

Cheers

SONG: Crystal ball -- aaaaaw.. naalala ko ii1 ditoooo..

roses are red, blood stinks --

a wisp of something cold penetrated my lungs, it was a sweet-smelling scent --- something you wouldn't forget immediately. I turned around to follow the nostalgic and fragrant smell and I realized that I was actually in an unknown place where big and bloody-red roses bloom..

I smiled and I tried to reach for one of the red-as-blood roses.. but, the flowers shied away from my hands, as if my very touch would poison them.. I frowned slightly. And, inside my head I was saying to the flowers that I would never, never hurt them.

The humongous and the bloodiest rose in the garden growled as if he was reading my mind, he said that the very red in them is actually the blood of my enemies pricked to death.

I hesitated then I narrowed my eyes, "Enemies? What Enemies?"

A tiny rose with a deep shade of magenta raised its twig as if humoring me, "Did you feel the chilly air? It's the wind telling you how cold and cruel you are to everybody. It's your conscience bothering you, telling you how brutal you are, how your merciless and savage ways hurt the people you love. It's your soul pestering you about the inhuman things you've committed. Isn't that 'enemy' enough?"

I tried to reason out with them. I tried to tell them that I have never, in my whole existence, harmed a fly. I have never, I told them desperately, killed anyone or anything.

it would've been easier to wrestle an elephant because my protests were drowned with icy looks and a don't-fuck-with-me glares.

I tried to reach for the flowers again but the humongous and bloodiest rose shot me an obscene look and yelled, "Don't touch anyone of us, you filthy mongrel! You've already spread enough dirt, thank you."

i opened my mouth to retort but i realized that i can't really say anything because i do not know, for some strange reason, who i am.. So, i closed my hanging mouth stupidly.

"Shut you up, eh?" asked a worn-out looking rose with a heavy British accent.

I nodded, "I don't know who i am -- who i was. But," i hesitated for a fraction of a second before saying "But, I know that I didn't hurt anyone. I couldn't. I wouldn't.."

I know that there's a desperate tone in my voice and I strained myself from smacking my forehead because of the pathetic way i sounded.

The flowers laughed. A rich and jolly laughter. They laughed and laughed and laughed until their leaves hurt and crystallized blood poured out from their petals. Even with the sight of blood, they laughed and laughed and laughed some more. Their twigs began to snap, their stems began to crack, they began to go white as the blood, some crystallized and some liquid, started to drip from their petals. They started to feel ill --- they started to feel as if someone's pulling them from the Earth's muddy and nurturing soil. But even if they're becoming limp, they continued to laugh as hard as they can..

They laughed until there was silence.

I looked around the darkness and I felt scared because of the stillness around. I gave a shaky whisper, "Hello?"

silence. There was no reply. It was no problem, I didn't expect to get any.

But as I made my way out of this unknown and hell-begotten place, I smelled another sweet-smelling scent and I heard a soft but joyless giggle.

***************

Odd eh? The one you've read or glimpsed at is not a dream. I actually wrote that when I'm supposed to be studying for Religion. :P Anyway, I like it. I like odd stuff..

I know that some people think I'm weird and.. I don't really deny it. I sleep with my bed in the middle of the room because rat's might jump on me from the cabinets or from the ceiling --- until my brother pointed out that rats don't jump or fly. (But honestly, I think this borders more on paranoia than weirdness.)  When I was younger, I would put a lot of baby powder on my face and on every inch of my body, thinking that my brown skin would turn white --- until my father explained genetics to me at a very early age (I don't really think he knows that I couldn't understand a single word he's saying back then..)

In my own perspective, everyone has an oddity within the depths of their beings that they're just afraid to show. Well, quite frankly, when you think about it -- it's their oddity that makes them unique. It's our own weirdness that sets us apart from other people.

I'm not telling anyone to believe me or agree with me. This is just a matter of opinion and this happens to be my blog..  Which means I'm always going to be right!  Hahahahaha!  Weh.

So, shake that roundly bottom of yours and dance, dance, dance..

Anyway, back to what I'm saying --- I like the one I wrote. Who would've thought roses could be so mean? Since, roses are always used to show love, love, yidih yadah, love -- i tried to write something about it in a different perspective..

Cheers..

SONG: Jenny by the click 5

dreams, sins, posts..

i was walking on a dark hallway full of candles and for some strange reason -- stamps.. anyway, i was walking and i was calling out names.. i was asking if anybody could hear me. i was asking where the hell am i. i was asking if this is just a stupid illusion. then, there was a girl who called me.. i ran towards her but she was gone.. i called her, asking her who she was.. i found a door near me, i tried to reach the door knob but i was already awake..

sigh. another useless dream.. i often have weird dreams, that's why i always forget to get scared and freaked-out.. but, this one.. i've been dreaming about this one for weeks and i can't get myself to open the fucking door.. oh well..

it's already september!!! yihaaaa.. christmas is approaching. :P the second quarter exams are fast-approaching too.. ugh.

it was PALIHAN last friday.. and i'm just about to tell you my views.. ang sikip noong place na pinuntahan namen.. kasi 71 students ang pinapunta ng teacher.. kaya ayon, it's so hard to teach those little kids. i mean, the space is very limited and there are 71 crying/babbling/teasing/fighting/eating/sweating/drinking/talking/laughing/staring kids.. how dehydrating and exhausting can it be? let's just think that we're devoted religion/science/math/etc teachers..

hmmm.. sila jodie at odessa at eryel at si ampy din pinagtutulungan akoooo.. pati si pipi sumasama sa kalokohan nilaaa.. nakooo.. sn sn sn sn sn sn sn.. sinless nook ang ibig sabihin nyan. right jodie? hahaha. anlabo.. para ngang ironic pa yung naging dating.. tae.. joke lang.. :D

speechless. undoubtedly speechless.. bye bye. :D

SONG: tae.. until now i'm singing 'when we die' by bowling for soup.. may pagka-senti kaya to, diba? basta nakakapanibago sakanila..

fear and some chivalry

I may be an eternal pessimist, I understand ---- I always look at the bad things that’s going on in my life. I may even be the most arse-headed person in the country ---- I don’t really know what’s wrong with me.. Don’t worry, I’m not a complete psycho ---- I can talk some sense sometimes. Anyway, being a naysayer isn’t really fun ----- I get scared because of some gobbledygook reason.. I get worried because of nothing in particular ---- is there something completely wrong with me?

Writing something like this is really tear-jerking.. Yeah, ok.. Ang babaw.. But, for someone like me who tends to laugh at school at all times and who acts as if there’s nothing wrong even if my brain is battling with the things that I am very much afraid to pour out ---- this is one big piece of the most expensive cake in the world that I’m sharing.. I don’t say these sentimental and syrupy stuff for people to pity me, I say this because I am being honest.

In my opinion, being afraid is not a reason to feel entirely incompetent. I am not saying that out of forlorn understanding, I am saying that because that’s that.. I’m not sure I’m making myself quite understandable, but for those who can actually understand the language I’m saying ---- yeeehaaaa.. But, for those who can’t ---- please bear with me.. Or you could stop reading right now. :D Everybody fears something.. The richest man in the universe could fear bankruptcy, the prettiest and youngest person could fear aging and a sagging body, the most powerful could fear ---- defeat. And, yet ---- not everyone’s truthful enough to admit it.

FEAR ---- is a small word with big and humongous meaning. FEAR is easy enough to spell but hard enough to understand. FEAR can come easily but can’t be discarded effortlessly. Fear can make someone do the most stupid and unbelievable thing in life, but fear can also drive someone to conquer it and extinguish it forever. Such complicated thoughts for a simple word..

I don’t really know how to snuff out fear.. I don’t even know how I could vanquish my fears! There are many things that I am afraid of.. I’m afraid of dogs, big-time. I’m hydrophobic, as I’ve openly shared.. And, I’m actually scared of people I like saying their comments behind my back ---- if there’s anything, anything at all that you hate about me, tap me or even slap me if that would make you feel better ---- then, after giving me a good bruise, kindly tell me what I did to you that made you slap me that hard. Well, if you hate me because I have pimples or because I’m fat ---- it would be really hard for me to change that because, you know, it’s really hard to undergo complete ‘abstinence’ ---- it’s like what Garfield AKA Jim Davis said… It’s ‘DIE with a T’.. Get it? Diet? DIE with a ‘T’? Hahahaha.. But, I’m really serious about dropping some fucking weight.

Honestly, I may look stupid and really oblivious and unconscious of what’s going on around me but I do accept straight-forward frankness. Let God be the center of your life ---- hahahaha.. Anlabo na..

Electromagnets do zap.. Says who? Who knows, but being the electromagnet [whatever that is.. Do you that I didn’t know that there’s really a word such as ‘electromagnetosis’? I was oh-so proud because I thought that I invented a word.. Then, my brother typed ‘electromagnetosis’ and he pressed enter.. My blog wasn’t even on the list.. Turns out, there really is an electromagnetosis-word..] that I am, I say that it zaps. One zap and you’re dead.. It’s very strong, you know. It produces enough nuclear energy to dissolve the whole world! When it’s beginning to feel powerful ---- some sweet-smelling, syrupy, buttery, smoke comes from the tip of the electromagnets.. And, when it starts to get angry ---- say your prayers because it can sting and mash you into pieces with just one zap! Poof!

*The last paragraph is a fictitious fiction, but, fiction it may be, I am serious about ‘electromagnetosis’ being a real word.

SONG: Probably, it'll be '1985' by Bowling For Soup.. I was singing it all week.. ....Madonna, way before Nirvana, there was U2 and Blondie... Ok.. tama na.. :p