Fresh Start

I officially graduated from med school! I am currently an intern & god I AM SO HAPPY. I'm exactly where I wanted & needed to be 💜

I got a Kindle Paperwhite last April (actually my mom (as usual) got it for me. Thanks Mommy!) & I think it's my favorite gadget ever. As of this day, I have read 49 novels. I'm on my 50th. I'm reading Daisy Jones & The Six. I'm reading while I still have some down time. It's my last days in my Health Promotions rotation. Tomorrow, I'll be starting Rehab so beast mode review again. 

Anyway, the pandemic was shitty (REALLY SHITTY) but the only silver lining was I got to live with my parents for 10 MONTHS. I cried when my mom left me in my condo. 

I'm bored that's why I'm updating. Can you believe I'm turning 30 next year and I've had it since I'm 13 years old!

I always have a lot of things to say but I always have writer's block. I think I lost my writing mojo. 

Next tiiiiime bitche$$$$$

"Do you think a life has any value if one doesn't leave some mark upon the world?"

 So, I just finished reading The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. I'm using this font because this novel warrants something.. appropriate-ish for that setting. Anyway, I enjoyed it a lot. A LOT. 

Okay, whatever, I'm going back to this one haha. Anyway, so, I enjoyed that novel a lot. See, Addie LaRue has lived through wars, pandemics, birth of a vision or a philosophy - and yet, she's forgettable. She can't leave any trace of herself behind. Everyone who meets her forgets her in an instant. 

Isn't that a sad way to live? I like a quote from the book that says, "Do you think a life has any value if one doesn't leave some mark upon the world?" And, tbh, while I was reading the book, I have to stop every now and then because it hits too close to home. I'm so scared of leaving no mark and being forgotten. I'm terrified of forging relationships and being left alone. Well, aren't we all, though? 

I don't know, nothing feels coherent right now because I'm so saddened with the book. I loved it so much. SO MUCH.

Okay, back to Medical books. AND OH YEAH HAPPY 1ST OF THE MONTH! 💜

High Like The Moon, Rock With Me

Hey! It's been so long! I can finally say that I'm in a really, really, really good place.

I'm currently shadowing my parents since we won't have any face to face. I practiced venipuncture on my dad yesterday. He was not impressed. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I mistakenly pulled out the syringe first before loosening the tourniquet 🤪 You really learn by experience. 

I was also able to scrub in for my mom's CS. Geez, she's so impatient and super sungit - good thing she's not a professor HAHAHAHAHA She's only sungit with me, though. Gosh,

A few more months or maybe next month? Idk the specifics, actually, it would be our graduation! I'm so excited even if I don't have any plans on going to Bulacan to physically go to my graduation. I'm fine with online. There's no special enough reason to be there physically. 

Speaking of not being there anymore, I moved out of my dorm last Friday! Gosh, now that's a mixture of feelings. Despite the last manager being a total asshole, I enjoyed my stay there and everyone else was nice. I would miss living and being alone. I like my me-time to be honest.

I bought myself a Kindle last April as a late birthday present for myself (CAN YOU BELIEVE I'M TURNING 30 NEXT YEAR????? Omg I started this blog when I was 13 - 13!!!! There are actually a lot of views and stuff that I was able to change and grow out of to since I matured. HAHA matured. But yeah) AND I should be studying but I really lost my drive? I was able to finish 32 novels already and I'm halfway through my 33rd. I'll try to finish a chapter on something Medical today, though. I'm feeling guilty.

Anyway, gosh, I'm really happy. The only upside of this depressing pandemic was, FOR ME, I was slowly able to bring back my old self? I don't know if that makes sense but that's important to me. I'm not kidding when I say I lost myself there. I stopped being happy. I'm still taking it one step at a time.

But right now? I'm exactly where I want and need to be.

P. S. OMG BTS ROCKS. THEY CAME AT THE RIGHT MOMENT IN MY LIFE 💜 I was never a Kpop fan (or even a Kdrama fan but I don't mind people who are. To each his own, you know?) but everyone of them is so charming and lovable. They really make me happy EVERY FREAKING DAY. I love them so much 💜

We're Alone When The Light Comes On

 I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I can't emphasize how private I am with all the stuff I go through. I have a lot of friends, acquaintances, but I only have a handful of people I tell everything to. Right now, God, I feel so down. Like, I haven't felt this down in a long, long, long time. I think clerkship made me feel busy and preoccupied; however, right now, maybe I'm hormonal, but, damn, I feel so down and heartbroken - and I realized how I couldn't talk to anyone. How there's no one there for me. I've been messaging Jodie for days but she stopped replying to me a week ago. She's an introvert and I know how swamped with work she is so I can't really talk to her right now. 

Anyway, so that made me sad a bit - actually, a lot. I don't really share stuff with people - especially the sad parts. I prefer to keep it to myself and shove it under the rug, hoping that the bad stuff would just go away. Yes, I realize that it's not a mature way of solving problems but, right now, I just don't have the energy to deal with stuff. I'm so exhausted.

I'm so envious of the people who constantly have someone they could count on. Maybe that's why some people look for love and shit? Or partners? So, they know whatever happens, they have someone they could depend on. 

Since HS, I've been saying that all I need is one person - just one person. And, truthfully, that hasn't changed. I would still always choose a few privileged people I could talk to than have a lot of acquaintances and stuff. Actually, I think I have a lot of friends. But there are only like a handful of 3 or 4 people who know the nitty gritty and who are privy to my most icky secrets. Idk. I think that's just me as a person. 

The depressing part is, I'm always available to other people - why can't anyone be there for me right when I really need them the most? Who's there for me? 

Good Girls

 I finally watched the latest season of Good Girls! Omg I can't wait for Season 4!

I'm actually waiting for a lot of series. Stranger Things, Lucifer, Kingdom. I still haven't seen the latest season of Dead To Me. 

School is hectic but.. last 6 months 'till my diploma! After 7 years, I'll be graduating from medical school. FINALLY. Then PGIship.. then boards. I'm scared for the boards. 

You Don't Have To Be Alone

 

Like a prayer you don't expect an answer though you ask for one

 

I've made up my mind to come home again

 

Trying not to dwell upon the lonely nights

 

I sit taking it all in to make the good life

 

Don't tell me it's real You feel so cold in my arms