Spring Day 🌷🪷💐

 

You're My Best Friend for the rest of my life

Been playing this on repeat the whole day because it still breaks my heart BECAUUUUUSE I remember how it was the background music in their Bangtan Bomb episode where they said goodbye to Seokjin during the first day of his mandatory military enlistment HUHUHUHUHU JK's tearful eyes HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU I love them so much 

 

You know we got that vibe, baby

Omg a lot has happened the past few days. Gosh, I realized how sheltered I am. I am shocked to my very core that some people are actually like that. Jesus. I thought it was something made out of a movie or like something that only happens in movies but holy crap wtf is that. I really am shocked to my very core. 

Anyway, gosh I love BTS so much. Like I could rewatch old vides over and over and still finish each video with a goofy smile on my face. I love them so much. OH MY GOD AND CAN I JUST SAY - hindi na ko nagkakagusto sa totoong tao tanginaaaa HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA like legit!!! I haven't liked anyone in a really long time SINCE BTS. As in BTS nalang talaga life ko and tbh I HAVE NO REGRETS. They don't make me cry heartbreaking tears!!! Well except Seokjin (so far) when he enlisted HUHUHUHUHUHUHU i miss him so much! 

I really love Yoongi PANO BA 'TO LORD. I was telling my mom and she sympathetically told me, "Anak, kelangan mo na bumalik sa reality" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA pero like legit, if you backread and stuff - di ko talaga priority kasi love life since I was in HS. Like I'm happy and contented with who I have in my life. EH PUCHA DUMATING PA BTS - SO PANO NA. Mas pusong bato tayo ngayon HAHAHAHAHAHA pero grabe they make me really happy talaga. Even their songs are catchy AF and like very uplifting. Hay. 

BTS FOR LYF BITCHEZZZZZZZZZZ 

Snap back to reality, ope there goes gravity, ope There goes Rabbit, he choked

Happy 1st of February everyone! Since I was little, I was a firm believer of starting the month right. Like how you were would dictate how your whole month would go. I think I got the idea from The Babysitter's Club. Omg specifically Baby-Sitters Little Sister. I read about Karen Brewer first before diving into The Babysitter's Club. I remember thinking Karen was a spoiled brat but I was already enthralled with the other characters. Omgggg super flashbacks right now! I remember hoarding the books at Goodwill Bookstore in Glorietta (OMG DO YOU GUYS STILL REMEMBER GOODWILL??? I love that bookstore plus FullyBooked!!!) there was a Sanrio at the lower floor, remember??? Or I got it the other way around? My mom loved taking us there (Sanrio) because she loved dressing me up and buying like cute mini bracelets and bags and stuffed toys when I was a kid. I remember I loooooved going there because all the stuff were cute! PLUS GOODWILL! My parents were very supportive of our reading habits so they indulged us with all the books we wanted! During peak Harry Potter era - we would get early reservations and shit so we could get the copies immediately without waiting and stuff. I'm really blessed with my parents. 

Anyway, I'm really shocked that not a lot of people pala love reading novels. Almost everyone in STC kasi reads. Like hiram hiram nalang ng books and pasa-pasahan by friends. So like majority of the people I know read talaga. AND I LOVE READING (NON-MED RELATED PLS) so much because my imagination could go crazy and ahhhhhhhh gosh. I miss reading. I HAVEN'T OPENED MY KINDLE SINCE I HAD COVID LAST OCTOBER. Oh yeah, I wasn't able to take the PLEs last October because I had COVID and I was confined to the hospital. Anyway, when I decided I won't be taking the boards (hello naka-IV and shit ako) - KINDLE TIME. Pero like CDB reviews started in November so I haven't touched my Kindle since October. Hay. I miss it so much. It's my favorite gadget EVER. 

PLUS MY OLD IPOD CLASSIC WHICH I CAN'T FIND. Duuuuuude, my songs were out of this world! I'm really proud of my music taste. Sobrang obvious naman since I started this blog. Although I think I'm more accepting and less snooty now compared to when I was a teenager. Medj feeler ako nun like I really thought I was super superior. O maldita lang talaga ako. Idk. BUT THEN HELLO I WAS ONLY 14! I'm turning 31 now! So I guess I matured in some aspects. ESPECIALLY VIEWS IN LIFE! I'm still kulit but I can be more serious now. 

There were a lot of stuff the past few weeks. I stopped my antidepressants and benzo BUT I had to go back to my antidepressants because I'm not okay. Like.. I know I'm not okay. Oh yeahhh that's something I have to work on pala. I really have a tendency to push people away when I'm sad. I started doing it again. But the thing is, like what I've told Z, I know I'm blessed. God, I'm so blessed. I feel so guilty being sad because it feels like I have no right to be? Do you get what I'm saying? Idk. I just feel like I'm in the wrong for feeling this way because, honestly, I have nothing to complain about. I have the most amazing, the most supportive, the most loving, the most understanding parents. We're okay, we won't starve anytime soon. We're safe. I have really, really great friends who take care of me and always look out for me. I have everything I need. I also get most of the stuff I want (to my dad's dismay. He hates it when my mom spoils me) So.. what's there to be sad about? You know? It just feels wrong. But, alas, there it was.. my grief holding hands with anger. So anyway, I had to go back to my antidepressants. 

Idk maybe it's my ADHD. I mean, the way I'm feeling.. like I tend to feel things deeply. I read it was possible. Like, I'm not making excuses but, gosh, behind this tough facade is a softie who wants someone to care about her too. 🤪 DI LANG HALATA HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway just a random update. But, oh yeah, I cut myself off before I got to my point! My point is, today was a very good start for the month of February! It was really not a bad day. I hope it's as great as November 2022 but we'll see. 

OH YEAH, omg, I'm trying so hard to memorize Lose Yourself by Eminem HAHHAAHHAHAHAA but I can't finish the first verse without panting! Rapping is really not for me. Or maybe I should just lose weight? 🤔

And super random omg I want the new MBP 14" pero hello I won't be able to maximize it naman PLUS it's like PHP 100k+! My mom would murder me in my sleep HAHAHHAAHA! But it looks so nice! BUT I LOVE MY TOUCHBAR so idk how I would adjust and function when I buy a new MacBook without a touchbar. Idk.

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME FOR THE BOARDS! 🫡