I'm Not Everything You Want.

Who are you and what are you trying to say...

What Kind Of Monster Are You?

Yesterday, my mom and I watched the new Wolverine movie.  There was a scene at the latter part of the film where Wolverine was being shot (arrowed down.. whatever) to death.  He was staggering and he was dying.  My mom was closing her eyes because there were, like, thirty or forty arrows on his back and he was whimpering because, well, yeah, it was gonna be a painful death and stuff.  Do you know what my initial reaction was?  I laughed.  As in, I didn't plan it but, when I saw Wolverine trying desperately to escape while he was being showered down with arrows - I laughed.  Like, really laugh.

I think that's not a normal reaction.  And the way my mom looked at me while I was giggling maniacally, well..  It was disturbing.

I don't want to be like this but I find it hard to have the proper reactions for tragedies and shit.  Sometimes, I have really, really, really, really late reactions.  Remember the massacre thing early this year?  The one where some kids and a teacher died?  I was watching some clips of the parents crying over their children and stuff and I didn't feel anything.  I only felt sympathy after four fucking days.  I kid you not.  Remember the Boston Bombing?  I tweeted "#PrayForBoston" because that's what's expected of me but, again, I had a really late reaction about this tragedy.  I felt angry, though.  I was furious with the bombers for what they did.  But, I only got sad about the incident after about five days or something.  Just last week I saw some bloody person being carried out to an ambulance.  There was another highway accident, see.  Seeing someone so limp and bloody (and I'm a bit sure that he's gonna die), I didn't gasp or feel any stab of pity or something.  I felt nothing.  I looked at the (almost) dying man and I felt nothing.  It's been a week and I'm still waiting for my reaction and pity or sympathy to come.

I haven't actually thought of this situation of mine as abnormal but, wow, the way my mom lifted her eyebrows and looked at me during that Wolverine scene..  God.  I mean, I don't think it's my fault that I found it funny!  When I think about it now, I still grin!  It was really funny for me!

I don't like this.  Why am I noticing this just now.  I don't like this.  I don't like this.  It's making me sad.  :-(

With Your High Heels On, You Kill The Sun.

Oh, yeah, did I ever mention how scared shitless I am of the future?

Best Song Ever.

Yesterday, I tweeted that:

I like them but I'm no longer obsessed with them.  Get it?  And then..  This happened:

I swear to God they're really cute!  Especially Harry!  Harry was so adorable.  Zayn, on the other hand, was..  Zayn was fucking perfect!  His black, circle earrings are back.  His quiff is back.  What's not to love?  He was so gorgeous!

But, anyway, I'm no longer, like, really obsessed with them.  I'm still a fan but like what I've tweeted, my happiness is no longer based on whether Zayn or Harry would tweet me back or follow me back!

This is a really fun video and charming song, though, listen and watch the Best Song Ever music video!

Step Out Into The Light.

Today is a really, really, really good day!  I started doing the thing that I needed to do in order to attain my goal.  Gaaaah.  Please, God, let me have this.  Please, please, please.  I never wanted anything this bad since..  well..  since Ateneo.  (But look how that turned out.) Please, God, let me have this.  I really, really, really, really want this.

Anyway, I downloaded LINE because my best friend said it was cute.  Now, I can't stop using it just to annoy her and stuff.

I think she would kill me if she sees this post because, well, I posted it.  Hahahahaha!  But, only a few people know that this blog exists so her not-so-secret secret's safe!

Queen Quimbo.

Happy 21st birthday to my most beautiful, gay, friend ever!

Me loves you lot, Pao!

When You Snap, You Break.

When I was in grade school, I was very fond of socks.  I had a massive collection of cute socks.  When I got older, the colors of my socks became, well, dull.  It ranged from black, white, and cream.  Today, I saw some cute socks and I made my mom buy them.  It's still black and gray but at least it has cute prints on them!  Lookie:

They are cute, huh?  I think Dobby would approve of these babies!  I can't wait to wear and use all of them! Hihihi.

I don't really post stuff that I buy and shit 'cause I think it's like bragging and a little "showy-off" but, these babies are a bargain so, might as well be proud of it!  2 pairs of shoes for only 399!  How cheap and fantastic is that?  I think this is the shoe thing Jonah mentioned when we last saw each other but, I'm not entirely sure.  My aunt also mentioned this because she bought 4 pairs of shoes (two 399 shoes!) and she was raving about it because it was so cheap.  Anyway, my camera's not great so the picture quality is crappy but, hey, feel free to look!

The picture doesn't do this any justice! This is kind of cute. It's an eyelet thingy black shoes!

I think I'm gonna go buy another pair.  I mean, it's soft and comfortable to wear.  Plus, like what I've said, it's really, really, really cheap.  Anyway, there are a bajillion different designs so I'm kind of excited to purchase more!  Go buy yourself a pair and you wouldn't regret it!

And I'm Gone, I'm Gone.

You heard this first from me.  This song is gonna go places 'cause it's absatively AWESOME.

Happy listening!

Would I Rather Have or Like....

• The Dark Knight Rises > The Avengers (I love RDJ but The Avengers movie was.. meh.  TDKR, on the other hand, was one helluva movie!!!!)
• Texts > Phone calls (Yeah I'm one of those.  Anyway, I like text messages more because I have the option to not answer immediately, you know?  Hmmm, although, usually I'm a lazy texter.  But, if I'm in one of moods, I usually bug my friends until they reply to me HAHAHA.)
• Caramel > Chocolate
• Tea > Coffee
• Violence and Gore > Horror films (My imagination goes into an overdrive when I watch horror films huhuhu.  I just can't take itttttt!)
• Watches > Jewelries (FOREVER.  FOREVER.  One of these days, I'm going to post my watch collection.)
• Sneakers > Flats
• Flats > Sandals
• Klaroline >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Stelena/Delena/Forwood
• Doughnuts = Cupcakes > Ice cream (I used to be an ice cream person but, I dunno, I became a doughnut/cupcake person.)
• Night > Morning
• Books > Ebooks (But I have a lot of ebooks.  I download the books that can't be bought here in the Philippines.  Hmmm, Ebooks are kinda more practical, though.)
• Twitter > Facebook
• Mall > Beach (Seriously not a beach person..)
• Jeans > Shorts (I'm fat and I have really huge thighs so I'm not comfortable wearing shorts.)
• Pepsi > Coke
• Slytherin > Gryffindor (Sorry! I just like how they think and their principles.  I'm pro-Harry Potter, though!!)
• Dunkin' Donuts > Krispy Kreme = J.Co (Although I do love J.Co's Tiramisu flavored-doughnut.  Anyway, I'm a cheapie, I know.  But, chocobutternut is my favorite doughnut-flavor so..  all your arguments are invalid.)
• Chicken > Beef = Pork (Remember the Mad Cow Disease?  I wasn't really affected 'cause I'm a chicken person.  That came out wrong, but you get me right?  Anyway, now the bird-flu thing..  Wow that was torture.)
• Bands > Solo artists (Not-so-secret-band slut)
• Cersei > Catelyn
• Margaery > Cersei
• Robb > Jon (I love Jon but I dunno.. I think Robb is more..  appealing?  But I love them both!!)
• Littlefinger >>>>>>> all of the remaining characters in A Dance with Dragons page 296!
• Ned Stark > Littlefinger (Sorry, my love. I'm always going to be pro-Winterfell.)
• Jodie > all of my friends (I hope you're reading this........  HAHAHAHAHAHA)

Funny story, I'm really, really, really in love with Littlefinger right now.  He's my favorite character from the A Song of Ice and Fire series!! I love the Littlefinger from the TV series too.  Huhuhuhu.  Most of my friends think that it's creepy and gross but I don't care 'cause I'm seriously crushing on him.  I like how his brain works and I really admire how he's always one step ahead from all of the players of the game of thrones!

Oh my gosh I love you please let's make a bajillion babies together!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus..  I think I'm back to my fifteen-year-old self..  when all I the men I whore at (? Is it "at" or "over?") were older or the same age as my mom (e.g. Neil Gaiman, Johnny Depp, RDJ)  But, anyway, omggggg he's really my crush right now.  He's the star of my fantasies!!  I can feel you judging me but.. whatever HAHAHAHAHA.

How about you?  What's your crazy story?

My Husband's Lover Shizzoly.

Can I say something about this teledrama that's making headlines recently?  Okay, whatever, I'm saying something.  I abhor this show.

So, you're gonna think I'm a homophobic idiot now, huh?  No, I don't hate that show because the husband is gay and his lover is gay. What I find shitty is television (and movies, for that matter) sensationalizing adultery.  I mean, dude, what the fuck?  I don't - I can't find anything wrong with a person liking the same sex.  I can't find anything awful about a person being lesbian or gay.  I mean, what's wrong with that?  Adultery, on the other hand, is something different.  (This is so one of the reasons why I'm anti-Marriage in the first place.  Even if it's nobody's intention to like someone else besides his or her spouse - it's gonna happen eventually.)  If you're not happy with your marriage - go get an annulment or something.  Don't have kids so you wouldn't plague them with stupid choices ("Do you want to spend this Christmas with mommy or daddy?", "Is my Christmas gift better than mommy's?") besides, unconsciously, you're hurting them, you stupid prick.

Since I'm on a sensitive topic here - I might as well get on with it (although this may result in a full-blown rant.  I would try to lighten things up, promise.)  I can't really say something about the legalization of gay marriage.  I'm not playing it safe here but, you can't really expect me to say I'm Pro-Gay Marriage or Anti-Gay Marriage when I don't believe in marriage itself, right?  I mean, it's like making Satan ask whether he's Pro-Purgatory or Anti-Purgatory.  Meh..  That's not really a terrific analogy, huh?  Come to think of it, it's not even a good analogy.  But, are you getting me?  I can't say whether I'm Pro or Anti Gay Marriage 'cause I don't believe in Marriage at all!  Personally, I don't know why they would want to get married in the first place... But, it's okay.  To each his own.

I'm waaaaaaaaaay off topic now, huh? But, whatever.  I just hate films and books and television shows that say (sort-of) that it's okay to have a paramour, or what.  I know that two-timing and whatever is already happening around us and media is just "making us aware" of these blasphemous acts.  But, that's just it, you know?  Your sexuality is not a choice.  Homosexuality is not a choice.  (I'm going back to these points because conservative and close-minded people might throw that in my face since I said that media is just making us aware and shit of these acts blah, blah) But cheating on your wife or husband is always a fucking choice.  I mean, you are fucking aware that you have a wife or a husband at home and you're cavorting  with your illicit lover on a tryst or whatever!  I mean, can you see the big difference here?  I know I'm not making any sense here.  I don't really explain myself well.  Meh.

Basically, my point is, I can't see anything wrong with having a lesbian or gay partner.  I just don't like affairs and cheating and stuff.  Just don't get married, you fickle people!

But, whatever.  What do I know anyway, right?

“All monsters are scared. That's why they're monsters.”

I started reading this a few hours back and I finished it at around 8.30 pm:

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman

Neil Gaiman never fails to deliver, you know?  The last novel I read written by him was The Graveyard Book so, you know, when he released The Ocean at the End of the Lane, I was pretty psyched.  I missed him.  If you do not know, Neil Gaiman is my favorite author.  Raia introduced him to me by making me read Coraline.  After that, I was hooked.  One of these days, I'm going to post my Neil Gaiman collection - from his novels (completed them all) to the Sandman graphic novels (completed that, as well.  Plus, the spin-off graphic novels!)  My high school friends know about my obsession with him.  And, if you've read most of my posts from high school (that actually make sense), it's almost always about Neil Gaiman.  One of the short stories I wrote (VIEW STORY HERE) was even inspired by him.

Since I finished the book early, I decided to hit the mall so I could buy a copy of A Dance with Dragons by George R. R. Martin.  I know I could easily get an ebook copy but I wanted the real thing - I wanted the book.  So, I'm currently 315 pesos short, which kind of sucks 'cause I'm unemployed and stuff.  Before buying A Dance with Dragons, I started reading Naked Lunch.  It's actually pretty cool, but I have to hold off reading it because I have to finish A Dance with Dragons first!  After that, I swear, it's studying-crunch time!

So, what have you done with your life lately?

“Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope.”

If you could give me this sweater, I would love you forever:

Cheerio!

I've Got Sunshine In My Head.

In my previous post, I stated that I'm planning on dyeing my hair brown.  I'm just waiting for my hair to grow longer so I could chop off the rebonded parts.  I'm not planning on a drastic hair color change.  I think a soft-brownish color would suffice.  Caramel-brown is okay too but I think that's too much, 'no?  Anyway, these are some of my hair color options:

I think this would look great on me!!

This is really one of the colors I'm thinking of getting.  Left side, ah.

I like this color a lot but the question is: Would it look good on me?

This is another choice! Her hair's not really black so... We'll see.

I think I should choose darker shades 'cause I'm not fair-skinned.  Lighter shades might look weird and awful with my tan skin..  Anyway, what say you?  I hope my hair's long by December so I could dye it already!  I'm excited hihihihi!

Look Into My Eyes.

Saw this one on Tumblr.  So, this may be kind of jologs but I'm bored (although I don't have any right to be bored.  Ugh I feel so guilty right nowwwwwww)  Anyway..

• I think I’m ugly sometimes. (Most of the time.  I don't actually think I'm beautiful but I don't really care.  I love myself!  So, what if I'm ugly, you know?  Who cares?)
• I tan easily.  (Note: Ano Kaya 'To shoot!  I looked like I went to the beach.  I was so tan and red and shit!)
• I have a bad memory.
• I wish my hair was a different color.  (I'm actually planning on dyeing it brown.  I'm just waiting for my hair to grow longer so I could chop off the rebonded parts.)
• I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
• I wear glasses.
• I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
• I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.  (When I wasn't this fat, you know?  Mostly girls, tho hahahahaha)
• I have more than 2 piercings.  (I wish!  My dad's really corny so even if I'm twenty-one, I'm not allowed to have extra piercings and shit!)
• I have piercing in places besides my ears.
• I have freckles.
• I’ve been kicked out of the house.
• I have a sibling less than six year old.
• I want to have kids someday.  ** (Sometimes, when I think about the future (especially if the kid is cute!  I love really cute kids!)  But, I could always see myself and the kid.  I don't want a partner.)
• I’m in school.
• I have a job. 
• I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
• I almost always do/did my homework.
• I drift off a lot.
• I have big dreams.
• I’ve missed a week or more of school. 
• I failed more than 1 class last year.
• I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
• Disney movies still make me cry.  ** (Only Treasure Planet.)
• I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
• I think of stupid things to do.
• I was born with a disease/impairment.
• I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
• I’ve broken a bone.
• I’ve had my tonsils removed.
• I’ve sat in a emergency room with a friend.
• I’ve gotten a ride with someone I don’t know.
• I’ve been on a plane. 
• I’ve wished on a shooting star.
• I’ve seen a meteor shower.
• I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.  (Always!  When I was in the dorm and when I'm too lazy to change into a pair of jeans.  I told you I don't care about my looks and shit.  Some people were actually ogling.)
• I’ve been to a casino.  (I remember two years ago, I was already 19 and my mom celebrated her birthday by going to the casino, the guards almost didn't let me in 'cause they thought I was younger.  It kinda sucks when you don't have an ID or any proof that you're no longer a minor.)
• I’ve been skydiving.  (Part of my bucket-list, tho!!)
• I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. 
• I’ve gone skinny dipping.
• I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.  (Yup, this happened a week ago.)
• I’ve had dry rum shots.
• I’ve been skiing.
• I’ve been in a play.
• I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
• I’ve seen the Northern lights.
• I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
• I’ve played chicken fight.  (Jesus, I'm too fat and too heavy to play this game.  Although.. I could be the person carrying another person..)
• I’ve played a prank on someone.
• I’ve ridden in a taxi.  (Mastered this when I was taking my OJT!  I didn't want to ride the LRT/MRT so I always rode the cab from Makati to ABS-CBN.  It's kind of pricey but I think it's worth it since I could wake up at around nine if I wanted to be at ABS at around 10:30.  Plus, I'm not really fond of riding the LRT/MRT especially when there are a bajillion people.  It's okay if it's not rush-hour, there are actually decent seats!)
• People have only liked me cause of my looks.
• I’ve been used a lot.
• I’ve gone on a blind date.
• I’ve used someone else.
• I’ve broken someone’s heart.
• I miss someone right now.  (Friends!  Haven't seen a different soul since June 01!)
• I know someone who has committed suicide.
• I have a fear of abandonment.
• I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
• I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
• I’ve had a crush on a teacher. (Sir Zaraspe.)
• I am a cuddler.
• I’ve kissed a boy.
• I’ve kissed a girl.
• I’ve kissed more than one girl.
• I’ve been kissed in the rain.
• I’ve hugged a stranger.  (BY ACCIDENT OKAAAAAY.  I thought she was someone else hahahaha!)
• I have kissed a stranger.
• I’ve been called a slut. (As a joke!  Band-slut and Claret slut (inside joke) (Lul) nga diba? HAHAHAHAHA!)
• I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
• I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
• I’ve snuck out of my house.
• I am keeping a secret from the world.
• I’ve cheated on a test. 
• I’ve been suspended from school.
• I’ve witnessed a crime.
• I’ve had people who wanted to bash me. 
• I’ve been arrested.
• I’ve helped a friend who has passed out from alcohol.
• I regularly smoke cigarettes. ** (Five months clean, bitches!)
• I’ve tried smoking cigarettes. 
• I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
• I’ve eaten shrooms.
• I’ve popped E.
• I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
• I’ve done hard drugs.
• I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.  ('Cause I don't like swallowing them one by one especially when they're really tiny and shit.)
• I have at one stage in my life been diagnosed with depression.
• I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
• I shut others out when I’m depressed.  (Always!  My close friends know that when I have, like, real deep-shit problems, I want to be alone and stuff.  I don't like being with people.)
• I take anti-depressants.
• I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
• I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
• I’ve woken up crying.  (Awful, awful, awful dream!)
• I’m afraid of dying.  (Who isn't?  Although, when I'm having a bad week.. or month.. or year, I often ask God to just kill me and stuff hahahaahaha!)
• I hate funerals.
• I miss someone who I know isn’t coming back.  (My super awesome and super duper cute grandfather!)
• I’ve seen someone dying.
• Someone close to me has committed suicide.
• I’ve planned my own suicide.
• I’ve attempted suicide.  (But in a really shitty way so it didn't really work.)
• I’ve written a eulogy for myself.  (It's gonna be legen-wait for it- darrrrry!!!!  The pope will wish I wrote one for him!)
• I own an iPod or MP3 player.  (Ipe's been with me since I was a junior in HS.  He's turning six this coming October!)
• I regret a lot of things I’ve done in my lifetime.  (Who doesn't?)

 This is actually kind of fun!  I want to answer more!