You think you know a person and suddenly, out of the blue, a big whoosh comes out and, oh boy, was everything a lie. Damn. I'm really okay and I'm really contented and stuff but, damn, I can't fathom how some people can be so cruel. How can people sleep soundly at night knowing that they deliberately destroyed someone they "care about"? Someone "they love"? It baffles me. Like, honestly, I know I rub some people off the wrong way - I can be obnoxious, condescending, very judgmental as fuck, loud, and.. everyone's favorite - tactless. But damn.. I know I have good qualities too and many people love me for it. So, despite my flaws, I know I didn't - I NEVER deserved any of the shit I went through. I opened up and showed him the real me and, by God, I don't know him at all. I never got pass the facade.
Honestly, since I'm in a good place in my life now, I really wish him no ill-will and I know he's going to be super great with his practice and stuff. I will always be proud of him from afar. But, gosh, I really made the right call back in October. I don't regret any of it. I don't know him at all eh.
But the important thing is - I got my glow back!! People noticed! They said I'm blooming! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA - guys, it's just me 💁🏻♀️ JOKE HAHAHHAAHA
So anyway, I'm sure you'll get your glow back. Feel the pain but never dwell. Chin up, hold your head up high. 💜
But the big bad years are gone
Yeah, the big bad years are done
And gone away
I remember when our voices used to sound the exact same
I find myself updating more often since, like what I've said, I cut off a lot of people so sometimes when I want to sprak - I just need to like talk to myself and put my words out there, you know? Like I'm talking to the void. It's sort of cathartic, tbh. PLUS, I honestly feel super guilty because I neglected this space last year! And I kept on bringing up how this blog has been with me since I was 14 y/o - then I abandoned it for a year. 🥹🥲
I just finished the module on Schistosoma. Can I just say - gosh, Dr. Toom is such an amazing professor. My friends and I are raving about him. He teaches SO WELL plus HE CARES. He always says stuff like, "We're in this together" or "We'll cross the finish line together." I could really feel the care and the love. PLUS!!! He integrates everything! So like, if our topic is Infectious Diseases - all subjects that cover it would be tackled. Like Micro, Para, Ana, Pharma, IM - all Infectious Diseases! That worked for me in medical school eh. Way, way, way, way back, that's what my dad and my psych observed. They said they thought PBL would be more helpful for me (since I have ADHD) - eh anong magagawa ko, di naman ako member ng CHED, diba? HAHAHAHA kahit mag-rally ako mag-isa, wala naman mangyayari. Pero anyway, I love Dr. Toom. I would really trust his process, and by God, STOP PROCRASTINATING. Gurrrl, you ain't smart - gumalaw galaw ka na dyan. Dami mo pa backlogs.
Idk when I started it, I can't remember actually, but for the longest time, my blog titles are song lyrics. It's something that currently resonates with me OR something I'm LSS-ed with. So, right now it's Poison & Wine.
I was so into this version back in college (like 2012 era. Dude I just checked my last.fm account. I'm THAT old HAHAHAHAHA) But omg this version is so much better than the OG one.
Maybe I'm a demanding friend. Actually, I think what I need is also an extrovert or ambivert friend. Majority of my friends are introverts. Hindi ko gets bakit introvert-magnet ako pero yah. So, anyway, my point is - I have to respect their space, especially if they're socially exhausted already. And I really do get and respect that but, gosh, sometimes I really have a lot of feelings and I don't open up so much and I just feel lonely. I'm alone eh. Gets ba? I always pray for just one ambivert or extrovert bff. JUST ONE. I mean, hello, syempre si Yoongi introvert din so okay lang kasi he's my baby boy HAHAHAHAHA. AND HONESTLY HA, like when I invite people to hang out, oks lang na we do separate things basta we're just together. We don't have to talk or chichi and stuff. We're just together doing our stuff. You know? As in like chill na yun for me. I think I'm pretty low maintenance naman. Pero anyway, I just get really lonely sometimes. I just need someone to match my energy. I'm thankful for my friends pero, yah, it gets pretty lonely sometimes.
Anyway, pray for me for the boards! And for Nikka to make up her mind because I am so ready for my next 2 tattoos. Baka yun na muna last ko for the next 2 years or so 'cause if that 2 tattoos happen - I will already have eight. Surprise parents hehehehehe.
I got my 6th tattoo yesterday with Nikki at inkedbyginn! Omg it was super hard to book her ha. As in super beastmode kami when she opened her slots. I took the risk of having online classes while having my tattoo. HAHAHHAAHA Z was supposed to be there but she got sick with the.. snuffles. JOKE HAHAHA. Feel ko talaga ATP. Anyway, I won't tell you what design and where it's placed. It's for Yoongi's eyes only. JOKE HAHAHA. But it's my first time to get a colored one! My other 5 tattoos are all black. I have 2 other tattoos I'm committed to having but Nikka won't commit yet so wala pa ko kasama! And can I just say, sobrang mema ng mga tattoos ko HAHAHAHAHA like 3 lang ata may meaning. Ay that's half naman pala. Pero the other 2 I want to have pa, mema din lang ulit HAHAHAHAHA eh I want eh.
It's Friday the 13th. Do you believe it's unlucky? I don't know. Parang nothing happens naman to me during Friday the 13th. I once knew someone who gets extremely lucky during Friday the 13th! As in she wins sa mga raffles etc. I want that luck!
Anyway, if you're here, I wish you know how special and pure you are and you are worth so much more. It'll take some time because healing is not linear, but oh boy, believe you me, the journey is going to be worth it when you finally reach your destination. A weight will truly be lifted off your shoulders. I know so.
Here's to brighter and sunnier days!
P. S. Please include me in your prayers for the boards HUHUHUHU
Omg it's been a year since I updated! I can't believe I abandoned this blog which omg I had since I was 14. I'm 30 now fyi. I'm turning 31 in a few months! A lot happened last year but it was one of the best years of my life (especially after 4 fucking fiasco-filled years, you know?)
I finished internship with the best group! My Buenc fam! I miss them a lot!
I wasn't able to take the boards last October because I had fucking COVID and I was confined for being symptomatic. Oh em gee. I was so weak talaga and bumababa SO2 ko so my parents medj panicked. Hello, I'm their baby girl.
I want a new iPad! I really want one but I'm too shy to ask my mom. Plus I know my dad's going to be mad at us. He hates it when my mom tolerates me.
Oh I currently have 5 tattoos now and it's going to be 6 by Thursday! I'm so excited. My parents are very traditional, you know? Like only one piercing per lobe, no tattoos ganon.. tas they had me for a daughter. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! When my dad saw my 2nd tatoo he sighed and said, "Nagpalagay ka na naman? Diba sabi ko wag na" pero surprise! He saw my 3rd and deadma nalang. Sorry this is my coping mechanism HAHAHAHAHA but oh em gee, my tattoos are very subtle and iykyk kaya! My friends have like really big tattoos pero hello chief res pa nga sila. Yung iba diplomates na. IT WON'T CHANGE NAMAN HOW I TREAT MY FUTURE PATIENTS EH!
I got my ears pierced 3 months ago pero tangina ang tanga ko "nirest" ko for 2 days just because so ayun - nag-close. Sobrang tanga mo dun Rina. I told my mom I'm going to have it pierced again.
It's really saddening here in the Philippines right now. All the prices are hiked up. Ugh gosh I have to pass the boards na talaga so I could stop mooching off my parents. They really are the best people. As in no pressure and shit BUT HELLO I'M TURNING 31 AND THEY STILL PAY FOR EVERYTHING. Semi nahihiya na ko. I really need to pass these boards motherfucker.
I spent a lot of time with my UERM friends last year (Krizzy, Nikka, Dar, and Marian included) like Patrick, Z, Kyle, Joyfs, etc. Omg I miss them so much. Grabe super nostalgic.
And OMG HAHAHAHAHHAAHA nag enlist na si Seokjin okay. GAGO I CRIED TALAGA HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA omg I can't. I can't talaga. How do I survive!! Di ko kaya maging byuda 7x!!! Eh pano si Yoongi na my OG baby boy next?!?! Pano???? I can't imagine a life without him HUHUHU! But I will wait for BTS because I love them so much!
AND OH EM GEE. So okay, I'm into kdramas now. I think that's the biggest update for last year. My mom was exhilarated - nakahanap ng kadamay eh. Nag Viu Premium pa kami. So K. ANYWAY, point is - THE GLORY WAS FUCKING AMAZING!!! Oh em gee. I can't wait for season 2 this coming March! As in it bumped off Vincenzo on my Top 5. I love it so much!!
I cut a lot of people off last year. Maybe I'm a demanding (?) but hello - I would die for you people tas I won't get that same energy? Bye Felicia. You don't deserve me and my love.
Anyway, so that's how I've been in a nutshell. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. I REALLY WANT TO PASS THE BOARDS AND I'VE BEEN DOING MY PART HUHUHUHU. Nagb-BTS cleanse nga ako eh. PLUS I HAVEN'T SUBSCRIBED TO DISNEY+ YET (they have BTS and HYBE contents!!!!) hello that's such a big sacrifice for me - BTS is my life 'no!
Anyway, i'm super into Santigold's I'm A Lady! Give it a listen and enjoy!!
