Saturday, January 4, 2020

What If God Was One Of Us?

I'm rewatching Lucifer for the nth time! Damn, I really love this series! Lucifer is so hilarious! And it mostly tackles daddy issues and stuff. I really love this so much.

So, we're a week late on our thesis paper. I honestly don't know what will happen. I'm tired, I already did my part. I just want to binge watch my TV shows on Netflix. Hay.

Oh, on other news, FRIENDS would be removed from Netflix 😞 😒 BOO FUCKING HOO!

I have to take in my ADHD meds but I forgot it at home. My head's all over the place.

***

I miss you. So. Freaking. Much. But I know ringing you would mend your heart and break mine (thanks Yellowcard for that lol) Well, but I'm trying to be stronger now. I won't message, I won't message, I won't message. I won't reply, I won't reply, I won't reply. It's just saddening that he doesn't (never has - never will) miss me as much as I miss him. I'm just one of the girls from his never ending harem. Damn, I have to keep in mind that he never really loved me anyway; I'm just one of his games.

It still hurts because I loved him so much.

I have to be firm. I have to be strong - for myself. I just miss the good mornings and good nights and random stories, random photos, random updates about his family, friends, shit like that. Can you blame me? I was stuck with that for 2 years, well, except the 2 months we weren't talking but, yeah, 2 years. I thought he was constant. No, he is a constant - a constant reminder that he was a mistake.

Damn. Why is it so hard to move on? I think 'cause I gave it my all. I really loved him. I really did.

I have to keep reminding myself that the bad outweighs the good, that he broke my heart continuously, that he never cares about me, that he'll never change, that I will never be his 1st choice, that I'm a back-up plan. Damn. Just get out of my life. Although, in fairness, he's doing that. He hasn't messaged me today, so, yeah.

Lord, please help me be strong 💪

SELF-LOVE 2020! 💓

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