Today is my lolo's burial day. Like what I've said, in this family, we never show our emotions. So, during the mass and the eulogy thing my uncle gave, I was trying hard not to cry. I was biting my cheek, I was pinching my arms.. Anything to stop me from crying. Sadly, I failed. I sniffed loudly and gave in to the few tears I "bravely" showed. The truth is, the tears the people saw, it's not enough. There's more, actually. I was holding everything back, my throat hurts and it feels like I'm going to choke (I don't know if you guys ever experienced this feeling when you were trying so hard not to cry) and my nose was, like, producing a lot of snot.
I can't believe my grandfather's gone. Like, gone. He's an amazing person. If you guys ever knew him, you would enjoy talking to him. He's hilarious and fun to talk to. You could talk about anything under the sun. He has this facial expression he makes when he's really amused. And he has this cough-like laugh, which I think is charming.. I would miss these things. I would miss talking to him. I would miss teasing him. I would miss his anecdotes. I would miss his rants regarding my grandmother. I would miss my grandfather a lot. He's one of the very few people I really, really, really love. And, dear God, during the mass and the eulogy and the burial, my heart was breaking into a bajillion pieces. It hurts. I'm not kidding. It friggin' hurts. I'll miss my grandfather so much. So much.
This Christmas is going to suck balls.
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