i know you're getting sick of this heavy dramas of mine -- i mean, it's always about rants, tirades, dramas. tsk. but this time this is a BIG thing -- for me, anyway.
i know that i'm not of any superior intellect like everyone in my family. i'm always the dumb one, the slow one, the stupid one. in the 15 years that i belonged in this clan, i have accepted that. i have learned how to laugh, how to smile, how to snigger when everybody compares me to my brother. i've always managed a small smile whenever anyone asks me why i'm not as good and as smart as my brother, why i fail in fucking exams. they do not know the effort i put in studying math-related stuff. they don't know that.
they don't know how uneasy i am whenever there are family gatherings because i know that my brother would be the star of the night because he's studying in fucking philippine science. and, i also know that the comparisons would come. "oh, how come she's not studying there?", "what? you failed algebra?", "you have three line of 7's?!". i would always sigh and say "ehh, i hate math ehh. i suck in math-stuff."
it's always Yo who's the good one, the BEST one, the loved one -- the favorite. whenever he commits an error, it'll go unnoticed. whenever i commit a mistake, "ano ba? paulit-ulit nalang! you never listen! you never learn!" take last night for example, my brother got mad because he can't go to an overnight party with his friends (how biased is that? he's allowed to go to sleepovers and i'm not!) anyway, he got mad and then blah-blah-blah. they were fighting (my dad, my mom, and yo.) then out of the blue, "parehong-pareho kayo ng kapatid mo!" i was shocked because i was just sitting in the dining room, eating silently and my name's brought up because they can't blame Niccolo alone! they always have to drag my name somehow. they always have to get mad at me whenever yo's at fault -- they can't get angry at Yo alone. you know why? because they love him so much they can't take it when yo stops talking to them!
you think my life is something picture perfect. try living in my house for three days -- you'll see how biased everything is whenever yo's concerned. he always gets what he wants in a single snap. he's always the right one because his IQ is a lot higher than mine. he's the best because he's the youngest.
i only like going back to the house to sleep and to use the internet. but i've always loved school because of the people there -- they don't squirm whenever they talk to me even if i'm slow on the uptake. this is a very long summer. adopt me :/
SONG: motion city soundtrack's broken heart.
i know that i'm not of any superior intellect like everyone in my family. i'm always the dumb one, the slow one, the stupid one. in the 15 years that i belonged in this clan, i have accepted that. i have learned how to laugh, how to smile, how to snigger when everybody compares me to my brother. i've always managed a small smile whenever anyone asks me why i'm not as good and as smart as my brother, why i fail in fucking exams. they do not know the effort i put in studying math-related stuff. they don't know that.
they don't know how uneasy i am whenever there are family gatherings because i know that my brother would be the star of the night because he's studying in fucking philippine science. and, i also know that the comparisons would come. "oh, how come she's not studying there?", "what? you failed algebra?", "you have three line of 7's?!". i would always sigh and say "ehh, i hate math ehh. i suck in math-stuff."
it's always Yo who's the good one, the BEST one, the loved one -- the favorite. whenever he commits an error, it'll go unnoticed. whenever i commit a mistake, "ano ba? paulit-ulit nalang! you never listen! you never learn!" take last night for example, my brother got mad because he can't go to an overnight party with his friends (how biased is that? he's allowed to go to sleepovers and i'm not!) anyway, he got mad and then blah-blah-blah. they were fighting (my dad, my mom, and yo.) then out of the blue, "parehong-pareho kayo ng kapatid mo!" i was shocked because i was just sitting in the dining room, eating silently and my name's brought up because they can't blame Niccolo alone! they always have to drag my name somehow. they always have to get mad at me whenever yo's at fault -- they can't get angry at Yo alone. you know why? because they love him so much they can't take it when yo stops talking to them!
you think my life is something picture perfect. try living in my house for three days -- you'll see how biased everything is whenever yo's concerned. he always gets what he wants in a single snap. he's always the right one because his IQ is a lot higher than mine. he's the best because he's the youngest.
i only like going back to the house to sleep and to use the internet. but i've always loved school because of the people there -- they don't squirm whenever they talk to me even if i'm slow on the uptake. this is a very long summer. adopt me :/
SONG: motion city soundtrack's broken heart.
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